•July 2, 2012 • 89 Comments

Be amazed.

Advertisements

Why make plans?

•September 18, 2019 • 3 Comments

Why exactly people make plans?  They don’t work every time and in my case, it seems that they never do.   I’m tired of making plans and back up plans and just in case plans.  No matter how much I plan, there is always something that makes my plans go down the toilet.  And I’m not fine with that.

I had all this week perfectly planned and I don’t think I have done 5% of the things I wanted to do.  My youngest son didn’t go to school this morning.  He has absolutely nothing.  Well, maybe an acute case of laziness.  The problem is that he knows a trick.  The day before around dinner time, he starts complaining.

“Mami, I have belly ache”

“I’m sure you’ll feel better in the morning”

“But if I don’t, can I stay home?”

Ugh… Last year I sent him to school because I didn’t believe he was sick and he came back with a note from the teacher that I could translate as: “How the f#$k do you dare to send your sick son to school?!?”.  And that was nothing.   My son put his best acting face and said: “The teacher told us NOT to go to school if we are sick… but I went anyway and that’s not good.  I could have spread some disease.”

Now I really don’t know what to do.  I feel that I have that teacher watching my every move.  I don’t like it!

Children are so smart!  And we are so naive sometimes.  They have eyes and ears everywhere.  I remember when I was a child and adults tried to trick me or make me believe something while I was thinking how stupid they were for underestimating my intelligence.  All people grow up and lose their memory?  Really nobody remember their childhood?  I was the only smart child?  I don’t think so.  I’ve tried very often to trick my children and I have to admit that my success rate was very low.  The truth and a little explanation work much better and save a lot of time.

So my plans for the day are ruined again.  I’m amazed I could write because my boy is feeling kind of chatty today.  I have no idea what I’ll be able to do but I’m sure it’s not going to be what I wanted.  And that makes me pouty.

Let’s blame the hormones again.

 

 

 

Organization

•September 16, 2019 • 8 Comments

One of the definitions of Organization is: a  manner of accomplishing something in an orderly or efficient way.

I guess I’m not nailing the organization thing yet because every little thing makes me turn aside from what I’m doing.  And I wish that was it.  I wish I could call it distraction and blame it on the hormones because I’m getting closer to “the change”.  But no, it’s not distraction because I never go back to what I was doing, instead,  I start doing a new thing, and then another,  and after a while I look around and scratch my head and I can’t believe after all these years, I still never learned some basic stuff, like: the mess will still be here in the morning, no matter how much I wish for the elves to come at night and tidy up for me.  Also that I cannot do many things at the time.  For example, I can crochet and watch a movie but I can’t learn German while I’m cooking because I burn the food.  But I still try.  The last thing I’m trying is playing Words With Friends with my left hand and practicing strumming on the mandolin with the right hand.

“Baby, what are you doing?”

“I’m trying to split my brain”

I could tell by the look on his face that the straight jacket was a better fit for me than the red shirt I was wearing.  Still, I tried to explain that a person can learn to do more than one thing at a time.  So my sweet husband asked:

“And how are you doing?”

“Ugh… I just played a 2 points word… and I can’t get the strumming pattern right.  It’s supposed to be the first 2 strings down, then all the strings down and then all the strings up but I f@#k up every time.  This should happen naturally and it’s not.  It’s better when I’m not playing WWF but I’m sure there is a way that I can play 30 points words and strum something that resembles music at the same time.   If I could learn how to talk to a customer on the phone, use the computer mouse with my left hand, fill in the form with my right hand and all that with a smile,  then I can do this!”.   

No, it’s not only a matter of organization.  I’m struggling with time management and priorities…  And don’t forget, stubbornness.

A few years ago, I made writing one of my priorities.  Now I feel guilty if I do that, so I’m trying to find a balance and do all the things I have to do and also the ones I want to do, instead of only the ones I want to do and wait for the elves.  One may think it’s an easy task but if you were living in my head, you’d know that there is not such a thing as easy task.

I truly hope I come up with a solution soon because life tends to get every day more complicated and I can’t juggle so many balls… I can’t even juggle 2!  Which brings me to my bucket list and my terrible fear of death.   Well, at least I discovered that the fear is not of death itself but dying without being able to do all the things I want to do.  So terrifying…

Quality over quantity… But that leaves so many things out! I can’t devote myself to a thing perfectly done but at the same time I can’t tolerate things half ass done.   That thing called balance… F@#K IT!

So if you see me trying to multitask, please don’t judge.

 

Trying

•September 13, 2019 • 10 Comments

I’m trying to see if I can write often but it seems I can’t.  Yesterday two of my children didn’t go to school so my morning was spoiled.  I’m not so fine with changing plans.

Today I woke up with a terrible headache and that makes things even more difficult.  I couldn’t practice playing my mandolin because I feel it’s too noisy.  Now I kind of get my children…  Learning to play an instrument is only fun for the person playing that instrument.  That reminds me when my son wanted to learn how to play the flute… So glad those days are over.

Hopefully next week I’ll be more ready to write and to read other people’s blogs.  I don’t like not being able to read but truly, my days are shorter than what I’d wish.  And maybe it’s just me being paranoid but sometimes I get the feeling people get mad if someone doesn’t read and like the stuff they wrote.   That’s reason number one why I don’t like Facebook but I still have the fake account because otherwise it’s impossible to use some apps… I hope that’ll change soon.  I don’t think it’s fair that they need to know ALL your information before they allow you to play a freaking game…. Ugh… I miss writing… Venting is great.   And just now I realize why my children kept asking me why I stopped writing… The more I write, the less they have to listen to me venting, ranting, swearing and stuff like that.  They know once I start, I go on and on until I’m out of breath.   While I write, only the keyboard suffers… and maybe my readers… Sorry!

And It’s Friday, I’m in love!  I miss that too. I enjoyed looking for a fitting song.  Maybe I should do that again.  Life is too short.  Dreaming is nice but making dreams come true,  is even nicer.

So here it goes a song that I’ve been practicing with my mandolin.  I think the lyrics are super nice, even if the subject could be painful for some.  And very painful for the people around me when I also attempt to sing along as I play it.   It felt very nice when my husband and one of my children said: ” Vast improvement!”.  I bet they were happier than me.

Today’s song is, Your Cheatin’ Heart.

Your Cheatin’ Heart
Writers: Warn Defever, Lovetta Pippen & Fred Thomas

Your cheatin’ heart
Will make you weep
You’ll cry and cry
And try to sleep
But sleep won’t come
The whole night through
Your cheatin’ heart will tell on you…

When tears come down
Like falling rain
You’ll toss around
And call my name
You’ll walk the floor
The way I do
Your cheatin’ heart will tell on you…

Your cheatin’ heart
Will pine some day
And crave the love
You threw away
The time will come
When you’ll be blue
Your cheatin’ heart will tell on you…

When tears come down
Like falling rain
You’ll toss around
And call my name
You’ll walk the floor
The way I do
Your cheatin’ heart will tell on you…

 

Enjoy this video of Hank Williams.

 

Sources:

azlyrics.com

youtube.com

Still breathing

•September 11, 2019 • 8 Comments

Hi!
I know I didn’t write in a very long time and I’m sorry about it. Words are not flowing from my fingers like they did some years ago. It’s like a have a blockage of some kind.
My life has been nice and pretty uneventful. That kind of changed a couple of weeks ago. I may come back and write about it but I’m still not sure because I said to myself that I was going to write again when I had a theme to write about. Like I always did.
So now at 47 “the change” is even closer and whatever happens to me, people tend to imply that it’s because I’m getting old. Knowing that I’m not the only one getting older, doesn’t really help me much.
And let’s be honest, who wants to read about menopause?! I bet everyone is dying to hear about the extra hair (in the wrong parts, of course), the changes of mood, the hot flashes, to name a few.
So, I will try to rearrange my thoughts and find a subject that makes me happy because I miss writing and because my husband thinks it’s his fault I’m not writing anymore.
I’m still married to my amazement and the amazement of my two oldest boys who watch at my husband and think: “That has to be a super good man because THIS is not for everyone”. No, it’s not. He must love me very much. I can be pretty stubborn and my children… well, let’s call them “healthy”. That’s a word my grandmother used every time the children were a freaking pain in the ass. By the way, she died. Not when the doctors said she would, two years later. Stubbornness runs in my blood.
Now I’ll see if I can publish this because WordPress is looking much different to what I remember and I can’t find anything. I don’t like this version at all.

So this post was to say that I’m alive and that I may be returning soon.

Week… Whatever!

•November 28, 2017 • 9 Comments

This is the fourth attempt at publishing this post. I hope it works this time.

I’m not sure which week it should be by now but I’m married for over 6 months and still happy.
I planned on writing so many times and I always postponed it for some reason. I could have done the same this time because in a bit I have to go and pick my son from kindergarten but I though: “What the hell! I can write a couple of paragraphs!”. So, here I am, still alive and wondering how the rest of you are because when I stopped writing, I also stopped reading blogs.
The funny thing is that I still take pictures of things that I would like to write about but when the moment comes, either I have to do something else, or my inspiration is completely gone.

These past weeks I’ve been finishing projects that I started very long ago. The kind of things that every time I looked at them, my eye twitched. Now some of those projects are finished so when I look at them, I smile. I love those little things that make me happy.

My kids are fine. Growing up and healthy. The weather still sucks and the worst part is not over yet. So far, we didn’t have any snow and I hope it stays that way.

A couple of weeks ago I was talking to my husband and he told me that he feels guilty because I’m not writing anymore. That made me feel a bit sad.
It’s strange but I don’t miss writing. Before I had the urge to write every day and if I didn’t, I felt like if something was missing. Now the only thing I miss is a couple of hours a day. Preferably in the evening. Also I’d like about 30-35 more hours in the weekend. Those always seem really short.

Well, we’ll see what happens next. Maybe I’ll start writing again soon. For sure I have a lot of pictures to show. And still, a lot to tell.

Week 6

•August 1, 2017 • 18 Comments

Week 6. Still trying to catch up.
I don’t think it’ll ever happen.
In a couple of days my kids start school again. I can’t believe that almost six weeks have passed.
I would love to write about something that happened during the sixth week but I don’t remember anything anymore. That was back in June.
The only thing that comes to my mind is that school was about to end and my stress level was high but not as high as it is now.

I remember my school years. How much I dreaded the last weekend of the summer holidays. Specially Sunday.
School here starts on Thursday and I have the same stomachache that I used to have 35 years ago.
Unbelievable. I can’t remember what happened two months ago but I remember the school days like it was yesterday.

Some time in the end of June my kids went to Italy with their father to visit their grandparents.
When I asked my kids if they were happy to go, they said “yes and no”, except for my oldest son who said: “NO, I hate going there. It’s awful”.
The thing they like about going to their grandparents is when they go to the beach. The thing they hate about going there, is all the rest.
They usually go to the beach late in the afternoon because it’s VERY hot.
Also because they have to follow the protocol.
Breakfast that lasts almost until noon and then lunch that lasts almost until 4pm because I’m not sure if you are familiar with the Italian customs but sometimes meals have a lot of courses and then dessert, fruit and coffee.

When I remember, I want to cry. A meal with them was torture. I had to endure the same subjects of conversation over and over, mostly criticizing the rest of the family. But they can do that because they are “so perfect”.
That always made me cringe.
The more I think about it, the worse it gets.
My ex mother in law made my life really difficult. She was invasive and passively mean. She always put herself as the victim and fooled everyone with her Snow White face.

Before leaving, my ex asked me if I could pack the kids bags because I was good at it.
I can honestly say that in the 14 years that we were together, that was the ONLY thing he acknowledged that I was good at. For all the rest, I was useless.

After thinking for a bit, I said: “OK. I’ll do it”.
Then he asked: “Can you have the bags ready on Sunday when I pick the kids?”
“But you are leaving next week Saturday!”
“I know, but I want to check if you packed good things or not”
“Are you f#$king kidding me?!?”
“…..” Silence.
I went on: “If you want me to pack the bags, you’ll have them ready on Friday. Maybe Thursday evening if I got everything washed in time but not before”.
“But if you don’t pack nice things?”
“Then you’ll have to deal with it. And why do you want me to pack nice things? you NEVER go anywhere with them! You stay the two weeks at your parents’ house and only go to the beach in the evening. I’m not packing nice clothes so they can stain them with tomato sauce”.
“…..” Silence.
“So, do you want the bags on Friday or you pack them yourself?”
“Friday is fine. Please don’t pack old clothes, OK?”
“I’ll see what I can do. Anyway, your mother will complain no matter what you bring or do. But you already know that”.

So I packed my kids’ bags. I didn’t do it for my ex, I did it for my kids because I know how the w(b)itch is and my kids don’t deserve to listen to her more than what’s absolutely needed.

One day while they were in Italy I sent a message to my 2nd son asking how they were.
He replied: “Fine. We are in Pompeii”
“Are you really?”
“Yes”
“I’m glad you finally got to go somewhere”.

So I guess that being a bitch to my ex helped a bit. I think I’m still full of crap and when I have the chance, I let some go.
Also, when I get the chance to be in control, I sure don’t miss it.

I’m happy that finally my kids got to see something else other than their grandparents’ house and the beach (and use the nice clothes I packed for them!).

Week 5

•July 19, 2017 • 15 Comments

Week 5. I have this tab with the title “Week 5” open in my browser for about 5 weeks. This is actually week 11.

I had all the intention to catch up and I had even make a plan on when to do it. Then I don’t know what happened but probably I got busy because it was one of the last weeks of school and there is always a lot of crap to do.
I think there is no way I’ll be able to catch up. I still didn’t reply to the Christmas e-mails. Let alone all the rest.

My sweet husband found a job that he doesn’t hate so much. He’s happy with the working hours. I’d probably be happier if instead of being from 6am, it was from 8am and somewhere closer.
He has to get up before 5am to be there on time. I decided that I wanted to get up with him and wait while he gets ready and drinks a couple of sips of his coffee because thank goodness, he pours the rest in a “to go” cup and drinks it on the way to work, while I go back to bed and take about 1 hour to fall back asleep. But I can’t complain, I get to sleep a little more.

Since I’m not writing this blog every day, I don’t know anymore what happened on the 5th week. I guess I miss writing a bit. It was very useful to search the posts and know exactly what happened and when.

Maybe if I finally publish this post and I keep writing, I’ll be able to tell you about some nice things that happened the following weeks.

We’ll see… I don’t know why I wrote “we’ll see”. I HATE “we’ll see”. “We’ll see” never happens.