•July 2, 2012 • 89 Comments

 

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Week 6

•August 1, 2017 • 12 Comments

Week 6. Still trying to catch up.
I don’t think it’ll ever happen.
In a couple of days my kids start school again. I can’t believe that almost six weeks have passed.
I would love to write about something that happened during the sixth week but I don’t remember anything anymore. That was back in June.
The only thing that comes to my mind is that school was about to end and my stress level was high but not as high as it is now.

I remember my school years. How much I dreaded the last weekend of the summer holidays. Specially Sunday.
School here starts on Thursday and I have the same stomachache that I used to have 35 years ago.
Unbelievable. I can’t remember what happened two months ago but I remember the school days like it was yesterday.

Some time in the end of June my kids went to Italy with their father to visit their grandparents.
When I asked my kids if they were happy to go, they said “yes and no”, except for my oldest son who said: “NO, I hate going there. It’s awful”.
The thing they like about going to their grandparents is when they go to the beach. The thing they hate about going there, is all the rest.
They usually go to the beach late in the afternoon because it’s VERY hot.
Also because they have to follow the protocol.
Breakfast that lasts almost until noon and then lunch that lasts almost until 4pm because I’m not sure if you are familiar with the Italian customs but sometimes meals have a lot of courses and then dessert, fruit and coffee.

When I remember, I want to cry. A meal with them was torture. I had to endure the same subjects of conversation over and over, mostly criticizing the rest of the family. But they can do that because they are “so perfect”.
That always made me cringe.
The more I think about it, the worse it gets.
My ex mother in law made my life really difficult. She was invasive and passively mean. She always put herself as the victim and fooled everyone with her Snow White face.

Before leaving, my ex asked me if I could pack the kids bags because I was good at it.
I can honestly say that in the 14 years that we were together, that was the ONLY thing he acknowledged that I was good at. For all the rest, I was useless.

After thinking for a bit, I said: “OK. I’ll do it”.
Then he asked: “Can you have the bags ready on Sunday when I pick the kids?”
“But you are leaving next week Saturday!”
“I know, but I want to check if you packed good things or not”
“Are you f#$king kidding me?!?”
“…..” Silence.
I went on: “If you want me to pack the bags, you’ll have them ready on Friday. Maybe Thursday evening if I got everything washed in time but not before”.
“But if you don’t pack nice things?”
“Then you’ll have to deal with it. And why do you want me to pack nice things? you NEVER go anywhere with them! You stay the two weeks at your parents’ house and only go to the beach in the evening. I’m not packing nice clothes so they can stain them with tomato sauce”.
“…..” Silence.
“So, do you want the bags on Friday or you pack them yourself?”
“Friday is fine. Please don’t pack old clothes, OK?”
“I’ll see what I can do. Anyway, your mother will complain no matter what you bring or do. But you already know that”.

So I packed my kids’ bags. I didn’t do it for my ex, I did it for my kids because I know how the w(b)itch is and my kids don’t deserve to listen to her more than what’s absolutely needed.

One day while they were in Italy I sent a message to my 2nd son asking how they were.
He replied: “Fine. We are in Pompeii”
“Are you really?”
“Yes”
“I’m glad you finally got to go somewhere”.

So I guess that being a bitch to my ex helped a bit. I think I’m still full of crap and when I have the chance, I let some go.
Also, when I get the chance to be in control, I sure don’t miss it.

I’m happy that finally my kids got to see something else other than their grandparents’ house and the beach (and use the nice clothes I packed for them!).

Week 5

•July 19, 2017 • 11 Comments

Week 5. I have this tab with the title “Week 5” open in my browser for about 5 weeks. This is actually week 11.

I had all the intention to catch up and I had even make a plan on when to do it. Then I don’t know what happened but probably I got busy because it was one of the last weeks of school and there is always a lot of crap to do.
I think there is no way I’ll be able to catch up. I still didn’t reply to the Christmas e-mails. Let alone all the rest.

My sweet husband found a job that he doesn’t hate so much. He’s happy with the working hours. I’d probably be happier if instead of being from 6am, it was from 8am and somewhere closer.
He has to get up before 5am to be there on time. I decided that I wanted to get up with him and wait while he gets ready and drinks a couple of sips of his coffee because thank goodness, he pours the rest in a “to go” cup and drinks it on the way to work, while I go back to bed and take about 1 hour to fall back asleep. But I can’t complain, I get to sleep a little more.

Since I’m not writing this blog every day, I don’t know anymore what happened on the 5th week. I guess I miss writing a bit. It was very useful to search the posts and know exactly what happened and when.

Maybe if I finally publish this post and I keep writing, I’ll be able to tell you about some nice things that happened the following weeks.

We’ll see… I don’t know why I wrote “we’ll see”. I HATE “we’ll see”. “We’ll see” never happens.

Week 4

•June 6, 2017 • 6 Comments

Week 4. I’m still trying to catch up and it seems impossible. I don’t know anymore what has the priority after my family. I wish I could split in four, maybe that way something gets done.

A couple of weeks ago my ex sent me a message saying he couldn’t take care of our kids until he felt better. He gave me two options: 1) I had to take care of them. 2) He was going to look for professional help.
OK. I know what kind of an asshole he can be and when he said professional help, he didn’t mean he was going to get a shrink, he meant some kind of social services.
I really don’t need someone coming to my house and telling me how I have to raise my kids.
I took that as a hidden threat but I didn’t let him know I was terrified so I accepted to take care of the kids for a while. I know they are my kids but having them ALL THE TIME instead of twice a week and every other weekend, it’s a lot.
I really miss those days alone enjoying the silence.
I’m afraid that my relationship will suffer from this.

Last week my ex called and he asked to talk to my husband because he said he couldn’t have a civil conversation with me. He said he needs to get better. I know that. I know that if he’s not well my kids are the ones suffering the consequences. But why he getting better has to mean that I get worse?

The other day I told him he had to take care of the kids because I had plans and he got mad and said that he wasn’t feeling well yet. So what? I have to change all my plans because he doesn’t feel well?
If he doesn’t feel well, he has to go to the doctor. Or ask his family to help him take care of the kids and the house. Not that they will help much, on the contrary, it’ll be like having even more obstacles.

I’m doing all I can. I’m very grateful of my sweet husband who’s being amazing in this situation, even though sometimes he feels like going for a long walk.

The rest is all ok. I’m counting the days until the summer holidays. Two more weeks.
The weather has been nice for a few days and now it’s rainy, cold and windy. It sucks. The weather forecast says it’ll rain the next 10 days. It looks like the nice weather was here while I had my period and that will come back when I have my period again. I hope I’m wrong. I need to be wrong.

My sister was operated a few days ago. She had several cysts in her ovaries. The doctor told her that the cause could be because she has endometriosis (when endometrial cells grow outside the uterus). That scared me too.
It’s not nice to have the ghosts of hereditary diseases chasing you. Like if it wasn’t enough having to deal with the hand you were dealt.

After I read this post, it seems that I’m sad and depressed. I’m not. I’m only a bit overwhelmed and mad at my ex.
Some things never change.

Week 3

•May 31, 2017 • 6 Comments

Week 3. Actually, almost week 5. I’m trying to catch up but I put priority in the house. I already know that I’ll never catch up with laundry so I don’t even understand why I bother. Maybe because I don’t like when my kids complain about not having anything to wear. That’s not true. The truth is that they don’t like to look for the clean clothes in the baskets. Because I still have issues with that. I don’t mind washing, drying and folding. My problem is putting everything back in its place. That’s what kills me.
I know it’s easier to find everything in the closet and my kids know it. What I’m trying to do is to teach them that in order to find clothes there, the clothes should be put there in the first place. And that EVERYONE could do that, not only me. So it’s either “we all do it” or they have to look in the baskets or wait until I feel like doing the awful job. And that doesn’t happen so often.

News this week: Sweet husband passed the driving test, found a job and got the letter to pick up his residence permit card. Maybe now I can relax. Or at least, have something less to worry about.

My plants, the ones that bloomed, look quiet good except the tomatoes that you can tell they are not so happy about the low temperatures at night. They look a bit yellowish.
We ate some leaf lettuce and it tasted wonderfully. Also the two radishes that we harvested, were very nice.
Our dreamed corn field will look like one if we plant more seeds soon, otherwise it’ll be like a scattered land with some corn plants.

I’m not sure if I ever mentioned that my husband and ex have a very good relationship. So good, that it’s awkward to me. In a way, I’m super happy because that’s good for my kids. I really don’t need my ex saying crap about Bobby. He can save all the shit he has inside, only for me. Like he always did.
Anyway, it’s kind of reciprocal so I’m not complaining.

I don’t want to write a long post so I’ll save something to write in the next one.

Week 2

•May 19, 2017 • 4 Comments

Week 2. Well, it’s actually week 3 now but that will come later.
It’s amazing how much and how little can happen in one week, or at least, that’s how it feels. Strange.
In a way I feel like I hadn’t stop one second and in another way, I feel like I didn’t do anything at all and nothing got accomplished.
One thing for sure I did; I answered all the comments in this blog. I still have to catch up reading. Or at least see what’s going on.
I’m scared of opening the reader because it only makes me feel guilty. Very guilty.

Let’s start with the f#$cking weather. We had 2 nice and warm days and after that it started being ugly again. But I got to wear shorts and sandals for a couple of days.
Now I have a sweater on and a blanket on my lap because it’s kind of cold.

The veggies are making me smile and pout at the same time. Some of them are growing and improving and the others are just gone, or dormant or I don’t know what happened to them or if they’ll ever show up.

Those are the tomato plants. They look good and healthy.

The same with the radishes and peas and some of the leaf lettuces.

The cabbages that finally showed after many weeks and looked very nice, they suddenly disappeared a couple of days ago. Maybe some bird or bug got them. I don’t know.

That reminded me some years ago when I planted lavender seeds.
I used to have a lavender plant in the front yard when I used to live in Holland.
One year I collected all the flowers and made little things to give away to my friends. The kind of things that you put in your drawers (lavender little cushions??). I had many flowers left and one day I decided I was going to plant the seeds and see if they grew.
I searched how to plant lavender from seeds and I read that they were not so easy to grow and that mostly only the 20% of them germinate.
So I planted 10 seeds and waited. And exactly as the website said, only two of those seeds germinated.
At the time I was pregnant with my daughter (almost 8 years ago!!) and feeling like shit. It was an awful pregnancy and everything seemed to go wrong. My legs were so swollen that you couldn’t tell the difference between thighs, knees and ankles.
My little lavender plants were one of the only things that made me smile at the time.
One morning I was having breakfast and looking outside the window and I saw a bird going to the lavender pot and taking a little plant with it… Probably the second one because by the time I got to the backyard, the pot was empty.
I started to cry. Not a normal cry. It was like if I had lost my child. I knew I was exaggerating but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t be rational and think: “I have 2000 more seeds, I can plant them again” or “They are just plants”… I was sobbing and sobbing non-stop.
That was hard to explain because of course, nobody could really see the seriousness of the matter except me. And I can’t still see it but it hurt sooooo much.

So when a couple of days ago I went to check my cabbages and they were not there anymore, I had a hard time holding back my tears.
I’m only three weeks married. I better don’t scare the nice man away!!

Luckily some of the other plants make me smile. Like those rhododendrons flowers.

I’m not sure if you remember, those rhododendrons are the ones I butchered last year after I bought the chainsaw.
The other six plants are still alive but they won’t give any flowers this year.

My sweet husband still doesn’t have a job. He was told that he’ll have to go one day for trial at a company but we still don’t know when.
And last week he failed the theory exam for the driver’s license and he’s doing it again next week.

I found online a model of the test people here in Germany have to do to get the driver’s license. Everyone gets a random text with 30 questions. Each question has a value that goes from 2 to 5 and you can only get 10 points or less or you fail.
I forgot to mention, this year, there are 1079 questions. And believe me, you have to know all of them or be extremely lucky to pass because you can’t fail many questions or you get to 10 very easily.

If you are bored, take a look at this link.
I think that test was from 2006. Now there are questions with videos showing real life situations and asking how would you react to them. It’s NOT EASY. Or as sweet husband would say: It’s HELL!!

I passed that test with no errors on the first attempt. As we say in my country, I burned my eyelashes studying.
But the practice exam I failed 3 times before passing it. And I’m still rubbing my eyes that I finally did it.

Week 1

•May 8, 2017 • 35 Comments

Week 1. My first post as a married woman. A lot has happened this past week. I tried writing the day I got married. We briefly had internet connection after the ceremony so I only sent my kids and parents a picture. Then we went to see the beautiful island of Ærø and I thought I could write on the ferry on the way back but for some reason, only the instant messaging programs worked.
Then when we got home, it was too late .
Most of the rest of the week, we had to register as a married couple in different places, do some paper work and look for a job.

I want to apologize for not answering comments since a very long time. I will do it soon. I’m waiting for the moment when life is a bit quieter.

The weather still SUCKS. It’s cold. Not cool, COLD. I think we had better days in January.
We planted only two tomato plants outside as an experiment. I’m not sure if they’ll survive.
The peas and radishes are growing very nicely.
For now, only half of the cabbage seeds germinated. The leeks are a huge disappointment.
I really hope it’s because it’s too cold and some seeds are still dormant.

My kids are super happy because they have a stepfather. I truly admire them. For me, the idea of step-anything is very scary. Thank you Cinderella, Hansel & Gretel and others.

And since I’m on the subject, over two years ago I wrote a post saying that I wanted my wedding ring saying: “I found your shoe”

Well, I got my wish granted:

And Bobby’s ring says: “My Prince”, of course.

Here are a couple of pictures that I promised to post:

973

•April 26, 2017 • 7 Comments

Wednesday. This island is beautiful. Very quiet. We are sitting in our room, watching outside.
It’s past 10pm and since 8.40pm, only two vehicles passed.
We decided that when it got dark, we were going to watch a movie.
I don’t think I’d ever seen a sunset that lasted so long.

I took that picture half an hour after the sun disappeared. According to my weather app, the sun set at 8.46pm.

The picture below is from 15 minutes ago

There is still some light almost 2 hours later.

Some time ago I said I was going to write this blog until I got tired or married. I’m getting married tomorrow and I still didn’t decide what I’m going to do.
In any case, I’ll post some pictures.