476 days to go


April 18th – 1 year 3 months and 20 days from today

2.07pm Good Friday. I wish it turns out good at some point today. So far, only promises.
I need one commitment. Or one fulfilled promise. Otherwise nothing is worth it.

My little one managed to break the ENTER key of this laptop. I’m about to cry over such a tiny thing. But it’s because I know the man won’t order a new keyboard for me with the excuse: “You should have taken better care of it”. Which is partially true. I wish he understands that my kids have their own minds and I’m not the one who rules those minds.

I’m disappointed today. I just drew a line over something that was really bothering me. I’m sure I’ll regret my decision but, come on! I need to show at least that I have some dignity left.

EVERYTHING happens for a reason. I have to remember that.

But, if you don’t tell me the reason, I ignore the reason. Not knowing the reason will make me get my own conclusions over stuff. And those conclusions can be far from reality, based on my insecurities and insanity. And mood. And hormones. And tiredness. And whatever is happening around me at that given moment when I need to know why.

I don’t care anymore. Your silence, your loss. Honesty or nothing. I’m fed up.
Really fed up. And I have to use the strength the day I have it, right? I have it now. I use it now. I may cry later. I’m almost sure I will. Never mind. Nobody will see those tears, nobody will ever know those tears existed. I’ll be known as the Ice Queen of Cowshitland… Wow, and I thought I could never get there. The throne is mine, I may as well sit on it!

photo (2)

I was looking for a nice ENOUGH sign or quote and I found that one above. I love it. And if you are not strong ENOUGH to break it, climb it. But just care ENOUGH to get to me.

One good thing on this crappy Friday… My dying azalea gave 3 flowers. Not everything is lost.
I’ll post a picture later.

~ by DotedOn on April 18, 2014.

2 Responses to “476 days to go”

  1. Oh, Sh*t! we are almost at THE END!


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