442 days to go


May 22nd – 1 year 2 months and 16 days from today

10.39am It’s very late. I have to go to school to help at the library. I hope that work it’s finished soon. I’m tired of it. Done!
I colored my hair this morning, that’s why I’m late. Also because I had a chat with a friend. I ended up crying for half an hour. I’m glad about it. I felt I was purifying myself with every tear I shed. Like letting go a lot of the shit that I have inside.
And I cleaned the laptop screen… after who knows how long time ago. I didn’t remember is was glossy 🙂 I actually thought that it was mat. (You can call me dirty, but I have the perfect excuse. The man took the screen cleaner spray and put it among his stuff. Then I found it but the microfibre cloth wasn’t there. Yesterday I found the cloth so today I cleaned it… And it really looks different when you use the special product to clean it instead of a wet tissue). The scary part is that now I can see myself while I write!

Last night, at around 11.30pm the man knocked the door of my room and asked: “Are you awake?” I was playing on my iPod with the lights off. “Yes”. So he entered the room, gave me his phone and said: “Read that message”. I read the message because he refused to say from whom it was or what it said. It was written something like this: “I promised I was going to tell you when I’m going to visit. I found a ticket and it was a good price so I booked it. I want to see you and the kids. I’ll be there Friday morning. Your father stays here. I’m staying with your aunt and soon we can arrange when we are going to meet”. After I read it, I said: “OK”. He replied: “No, not OK at all”. “Listen, your mom already caused too much pain in my life, do you really want me to start there?”. “But I have to work and I really don’t have time!”. I only looked at him. Then he left.

This morning, he phoned from the car after dropping the kids at school… I was chatting with my friend so I really didn’t pay much attention to him. Then he phoned again while I was in the shower rinsing my hair. I saw the missed called but decided to ignore it. Few minutes later, he phoned again saying that he may be going out for dinner this evening. “Fine with me”. And he added: “Today it’s a bad day”. “I know… Do you want to know why? It’s because your mom is coming”. “It could be. I don’t have the time. And next week, Thursday and Friday are holidays and she’ll want to meet us”. “Tell her I made plans already… Even though we know she won’t understand that we have our own lives. She never did. And probably she’ll expect us to leave everything so we can entertain her. And I’m not willing to do that. I did it many times before and I don’t want to do it anymore”.
He was kind of speechless. He knows I’m right… But what can he do? He allowed her to think that everything turned around her. Now he should tell her that the rotation point (a.k.a the center) had changed.
I don’t know why but this time I’m not affected by it. (I will be… I’m sure of that, but for now, I’m fine).

Today’s spring dose is dedicated to my purification. A white lily represents purity.


~ by DotedOn on May 22, 2014.

2 Responses to “442 days to go”

  1. Ok, let´s talk TODAY!!


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