416 days to go

416

June 17th ā€“ 1 year 1 month and 21 days from today

11.43am I’m still having breakfast. I fell asleep yesterday at 8.30pm with the clothes on and woke up to shout at my kids because they were not sleeping around 9.30pm. I then thought: “Shit, for sure I spoiled my sleep now and I’ll be awake till 4.00am”. Nothing of the kind… I tried to wake up and take a shower but I felt I was glued to the bed”.
The interview at school didn’t go too well. My oldest son’s grades were not really impressive and the fact that he doesn’t speak much German didn’t help at all. I think that he saw my disappointed face because he asked the two teachers there to give him a chance and let him go to listen to a few lessons to see if he could understand or not.
My second son grades were better and the only problem was that the classrooms for that age group were too full so the decision was to be made by the headmaster. We will know more this week.
And now I’m not sure what to do… The house was nice because it was the nearest to the school but far from everything. Other houses in bigger towns are impossible to afford… So I’m again stuck and not knowing what to do… And without anyone near where I could go and shout and cry…

This morning the man came to my room and said: “Did you decide what you want to do?” “No, I just slept”… “Are you ok?” “NO” “What’s wrong?” “I don’t feel ok” “How do you feel?” “Furious” “Why furious?” “Because you were supposed to find a job in Boston” “So now you are blaming me?” “No, I’m just telling you how I feel”.
So that’s how I feel… Not very rational at the moment.
I still want a new life but I don’t want to drag my kids somewhere where I’m not sure if they are going to be happy. Why everything has to be so complicated!
I really need to wake up with my new identity and my three butlers…

It’s late and I should get dress to pick my kids.

A butterfly today to remind me that ugly can turn into beautiful… It just needs time.

2014-04-13_14-31-31_736 (2)

Thanks Aa!

~ by DotedOn on June 17, 2014.

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