I’m cheating… I’m writing one day earlier. I need the entire morning to do something or I’ll feel terrible next week. My kids will stay here the next 4 days and when they are here, nothing happens.
While I was talking, after fighting for a long time with the man on Wednesday evening, I said: “Why don’t you let your friend see this graphic tomorrow morning?” (we call his psychiatrist/analyst “his friend”) “What graphic?” “One I have on the computer, it’s called ‘POWER AND CONTROL WHEEL’, if I send it to you, would you print it, let her see it and tell her that that’s how I felt when I was with you and that I could tick all the items? You can read it if you want to, but you have to promise you won’t get mad” (I waited to say that AFTER we had agreed that we were not going to fight anymore). The truth is, I really need “his friend” to see how he’s like. I’m not sure if he’s telling everything to her. And my kids spend half the time at his place.

powerandcontrol (1)

When he came to pick the kids on Thursday I asked: “Did you have problems with your girl after we talked for so long?” “No, I sent her the graphic and said you felt that way” “Are you insane???? You said she liked researching. If she tries to research the Power and Control Wheel, she’ll get this result: “IF A MAN TELLS YOU HOW HE IS, BELIEVE HIM”… I was in panic. If he loses his girls, he’ll have more time to concentrate on me…

About this research girl. Apparently, after finding out the man’s last name, she googled it and found some info. Then she sent the info to him to corroborate it and said: “I also found Paola”. When he told me that, I almost fainted. Psycho. But there is NO WAY I could be found online, not with my real name (unless somebody posted my pictures on Facebook and added my name… But it’s better if I ignore that).
I used to appear on a website because I had made it for a dear friend and she thanked me using my real name (long ago I could program with HTML). With a trembling voice I said: “What?” “Yes, do you remember that newspaper article about Mรกxima where the stupid journalist used my last name?” “Ah ok”. Last year, I was interviewed by a local newspaper because I happened to come from the same place where Mรกxima (Queen of Holland), comes from. I got the questions by email because I could never arrange to meet the journalist because Cutie was a baby and he was working when I could do it. I’m still not sure why I had accepted, but I guess it was because I liked the school principal and she called me and asked in a really nice way: “You are the only person we know coming from there, could you do it, please?” “Ok”.
I was so depressed at the time that I couldn’t think of anything to write, so I let the man answer the questions for me. And then, after I sent the email, the journalist called and said: “When can the photographer take your picture?” “WHAT???” “Didn’t you know? We need your picture to go with the article”. Shit… You can’t imagine how I felt. I hadn’t left the house in weeks…. Many many many weeks.
So I colored my hair, chose some clothes, put on a necklace and a smile, and went to meet the guy.


He took maybe 100 pictures. Why did he chose the one where my daughter looks like a boy and I’m sitting like a truck driver on a break?? Not a clue. He insisted on that pose and I couldn’t really fight at the time.
When I got the newspaper and saw the picture and that the journalist used the wrong last name, I laughed and said to the man: “Look, you are credited too, after all, you wrote it”. And that wasn’t the only mistake. For some reason, the guy made up some things to go between the questions… Like why I was living there. He even made up a Dutch husband, even though I never married and the man is Italian.

Then the man said: “I showed the graphic to “my friend” this morning” “And??” “She blushed and said it was very sad that you felt that way” “Excuse me, but she should have said something like: ‘is any of this true?’ or ‘did you control her?’ or whatever… but ‘it’s very sad she felt that way?????’ WTF, I felt that way because IT WAS THAT WAY”. My blood was starting to boil. Then I asked: “At least, could you recognize some of the things there?”. And I’m really glad one of the kids interrupted then. I’m not sure how my reaction could be if he starts denying it.
I can’t believe that woman… I hope she was trying to see his reaction, otherwise, SHE SUCKS!

A few seconds before leaving I got again the “service” question. But this time it was like this: “Do you want me to fix you with someone?” And you need to know that I fight myself to hide every emotion and seem really cool so I replied: “Why, do you know anyone for me?” when I really wanted to say “Mind your own fucking business because if I wanted a service that badly, I could find any man” (right???). Then he replied: “Of course, I could pay one for you”.
Needles to say that he’s going to pay for that… Sooner or later, he’s going to pay for that (hey!! not for my service!!!).

It’s Friday now… After 10.30am. And I slept and didn’t do anything yet. But the worst part is that I’m not in love… And since love is not here but I wish it were here, Pink Floyd

Wish You Were Here
(written by David Gilmour, Roger Waters, Richard Wright)

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We’re just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.

Happy Friday!!


~ by DotedOn on October 10, 2014.

10 Responses to “00:44.4”

  1. It is great your not with the man any longer. He’s unbelievable I sware! I don’t know how you kept your composure! I couldn’t or wouldn’t have if it was me! XX


  2. Your ex is abusive beyond words. His counselor leads him to believe it’s “sad you feel that way?” Is it because he pays her? Wish you didn’t have to talk to him, unfortunately (as I found) when you share children with someone they’ll be in your life forever. Ugh. You deserve much better!


    • Thank you Mandy!!
      I used to say to the man that every time he went to the therapist, she could build a square meter of her new house and that she still needed a lot to do so she was not going to help him :). I hate to believe I was right!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hello frustrated Twin P,
    It sounds like its time to try another tactic. Try all or most of your communication to e-mail. This is recommended to another friend in a similar situation. She was with a narcissist and after the divorce works to continue the abuse. Start setting some rules, or guidelines since things do change sometimes. No showing up 30 minutes after he says he on the way, no changing plans like the stop by for cell last week and never calling you. At times this behavior seems innocent but it’s continuing the abuse and showing the kids he has no respect for you. Bullshit, reign him in to a level of respect. No yelling at you, no changing plans without calling. He doesn’t have to talk to you, he can text, very simple to let you know things have changed. Yelling at you is unacceptable, yelling at you in front of kids in unacceptable. Getting totaling jacked because you forgot an item of the kids clothes when he shows up much earlier than expected is bullshit. Do you two have a parenting plan? If not, its time to put one together on your own. It lays out what days the kids visit, what to do if things change, ect. He may not abide by the plan but having one is good reinforcement when we starts running you as he pleases. Email is a great way to eliminate his behavior in front of kids and causing more stress for you. Hope you can use some of the ideas.
    Have a great day. What were you doing all day? email me.
    Twin M


  4. So sorry that you had to endure an abusive relationship. To end your post with the lyrics from “wish you were here” was brilliant. I love that song. I think that your photo with your daughter is beautiful! You have a wonderful blog and I’m happy to have found it. ๐Ÿ™‚



    • Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚ (I wish I could erase that from my memory).
      I’m happy I found yours too, you are very funny (I can’t resist funny :)).
      I love that song too :). The lyrics form part of my “Friday I’m in Love” section… (and that’s not always the case so some Fridays have no Lyrics…) I could try to post a video but I’m really not interested in learning how to do it yet ๐Ÿ™‚ (And I love to do what I want!).

      Liked by 1 person

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