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Saturday. It’s very windy today. The noise of the wind woke me up during the night even after the glass of wine I had that knocked me down in 3 minutes.
I forgot to start the dishwasher. I can’t believe how could I forget that. I loaded it, put the soap in it and left it like that. I really don’t know where my mind is. My grandma would say: “It’s because you are in love”. I wish it were true.
It is in a way, I’m always in love with the idea of being in love. And that’s amazing when there is a guy in the picture too. And that just made me laugh. If I have a picture of a guy, can I also say: I have a guy in the picture?? Because if it’s like that, I have many guys in the picture (but none 3D). Let’s blame last night’s wine for this one.

A couple of days ago, I was reading something. I don’t remember what. On the side of the article, there was a title that caught my eye. “10 Old-Fashioned Ways to Blow Your Husband’s Mind in Bed”. I had to click on it. I really needed to know what’s considered “Old Fashioned”. I didn’t feel like reading all of it, so I read only the 10 ways that were written in bold letters and if I needed further explanation, I read a bit more.

1 -Flirt — a lot.
2 -Offer to make his wishes come true.
3 -Give him a view.
4 -Surprise him with sex.
5 -Sleep naked.
6 -Undress in front of him.
7 -Make a request of him.
8 -Talk dirty between the sheets.
9 -Take the reins.
10-Go down on your dude.

While I was copy/pasting I was laughing like crazy. Having a vivid imagination is awesome. And if you add to that a pinch of a dirty mind… well, that’s a recipe for success.
What bothered me a bit was the title. Why only HUSBAND?? Couldn’t they write MAN, or GUY, or PARTNER… It made me feel bad because the only thing I can blow now is a candle.

I’m tempted to go deep (hahahahahaha) on every item. If you are younger than 18, ask your parents to read this first and let them judge if you can keep reading. (I needed to write that).

Let’s start:
-Flirt – a lot.
That’s easy… Right? And we all know flirting helps. I got new fabric on my chairs and some help taking down a curtain just with a tiny dose of it. I guess that if I had put more energy on it, I could have the last bedroom painted and the lawn mowed. Imagine a lot of flirting in the bedroom!! I better stop here and let some enthusiasm for the other 9 ways.

-Offer to make his wishes come true.
I cheated on this one. I read what the article said. “Tell your guy, ‘I will do anything you want me to tonight’. Knowing he is about to have his sexual desires fulfilled will send him through the roof.”
Wait, send him through the roof?? Some expressions are funny. I may want something pointing to the roof… But sending the guy through the roof?!?

-Give him a view.
I had to read that one too. The article suggests to drop something, bend over, and look back at him. Does that really work? My ‘bit’ of a dirty mind didn’t even thought of that view… I went straight to a more hidden part. I guess that if the ‘bending over’ works, I’m covered with that one.

-Surprise him with sex.
Use your imagination here. Mine for example went straight to the truck stop on the highway, the kitchen, the car, garden, elevator, by the bushes, behind the couch, on the table… I better stop, I don’t want this to be a long post.

-Sleep naked.
I have a problem here. I NEED to have my panties on. I better work hard on the other 9 ways.

-Undress in front of him.
I think this will ONLY work if you are not wearing beige underwear. And for sure it won’t work if you have your awesome item on.

So, after the party, when you have the nice dress on, rush to the bathroom and take the awesome item off. Hide it very well. Because that thing is a turn off even if it’s folded in the bottom drawer.

-Make a request of him.
The article says: “Ask him to do something naughty to you”. Oh boy!! Next please.

-Talk dirty between the sheets.
But I guess, loud enough for your guy to hear. I can think dirty, I can write dirty, I can swear like a sailor, but I can’t talk dirty between the sheets. I’m freaking shy. I guess I’ll ask the guy to take his phone to bed and I text him something.

-Take the reins.
Yeah Baby! I even have the Texan hat for this one!

-Go down on your dude.
Ok… The magazine says: “Ladies, we can do things with our mouth and tongue that our vaginas cannot do”. No kidding!

Now I know the “Old Fashioned” ways. I’d love to know what’s considered modern or new.
Well readers, what do you think? How many of them work?
Please feel free to add more ways!! I’ll write another post about it and will research the modern ways soon. In the name of science, of course!

This is the original article http://www.brides.com/blogs/aisle-say/2014/12/sex-tips-for-women-married-couples.html

~ by DotedOn on January 10, 2015.