Monday. I’m cold today. It’s still very windy. I had to walk this morning because it’s really hard for me to cycle. Yesterday I spent the entire afternoon thinking about who could have opened the tap. I thought that maybe the owner did it to prevent the water from freezing and breaking the tank. I decided it was it and started to relax. Five minutes ago, I got an email from him saying he didn’t do it. It’ll be a mystery then. Anyway he’s coming this afternoon to see what we have to do with the fallen tree.

This is my 400th post! I should be celebrating. Instead, I’m drinking green tea. I feel I’m getting sick.

I spent the weekend researching the “10 modern ways to blow your guy’s mind in bed” after the post a couple of days ago about the “Old Fashioned” ways.
I actually didn’t find such an article, so I had to write it myself using tips from other articles. I have to admit that some of the things I read, made me blush (I’m not so modern apparently).
Since I’m not sure who’ll read this, I polished the language as much as I could so nobody feels the need to report this blog.

I decided I won’t repeat any of the “Old Fashioned” ways, even though we all agree that some things are never out of date.

FullSizeRender (15)

I found many more than 10 ways but I decided to pick these ones. I left out threesomes and orgies, I hope you don’t mind.

Here they go:

1-Splash your T-shirt with water while washing dishes and make it see through. (Jaw dropping effect expected).
(In my case it won’t work because there is NO WAY I wash a plate by hand).

2- Glide your lips over the neck of a beer bottle.
(I’m gagging… This won’t work for me either. The idea that the bottle was in a big warehouse and after that, it was load on a big dirty truck and after that some guy at the store didn’t wash his hands after using the toilet and placed it on the shelf… Sorry, I can’t do this one).

3-Rub your hands with a bit of lotion before stroking his package.
(I would love to say that those were my words but no, I borrowed that too).

4-When you’re near the point of no return, whisper four-letter words into his ear (the really dirty ones).
(This one wasn’t really clear to me… What’s the idea here, to pick the words and say them one after the other? Like: F&^k, C*$k, C#%t, S$%t?? Or use the words in sentences? I can multitask but not at that moment. Either I concentrate in what I’m doing or I try to formulate a sentence. This one won’t work either).

5-Send a text message to him after he “gave you a service” and compliment him for what he did.
(This one could work. I better load some credit on my phone, just in case).

6-Lingerie (PLEASE, NOT BEIGE). Go shopping with your guy and let him enter the changing room while you are trying it on.
(Does this work? Not in my case. No way I’m trying lingerie that probably somebody else tried before me.)

7-Tease him. Tell him at a particularly inappropriate moment what you have on or what are you going to do to him. Give him a glimpse. (I could add, since we are in the “Technology Age”, send him a visual. This could work. Just double check that you wrote the right email address/phone number when you do this. You don’t want the teacher seeing some parts of you).

8-Get sexy things into your bed.
(Like vibrators, penis rings, oils… Could this work? Just in case, I hung my Sexy X-mas Advent Calendar near my bed. My kids are thrilled).

9- Play With “The Boys.”
(Sorry, I can’t teach you any game but the idea is to softly push and massage. I’ll make a playdate as soon as I get the chance).

10-Hop on Reverse Cow Girl.
(Yeeehaaw!!! I still have my Texan hat… Oh yeah!!)

Guys, does any of this work? Modern or Old Fashioned?

I have to admit that I prefer the “Old Fashioned” ways, by far. Plus the Teasing. The bottle kissing is hard for me to picture. The wet t-shirt sounds ok, maybe I should try it while watering the plants (and see the squirrels reaction).

Here is to 400 more posts!! That’s the sun seen through a garnacha (sweet wine) glass. I miss Spain.


I used the following articles to write this post.



~ by DotedOn on January 12, 2015.

35 Responses to “138”

  1. Reblogged this on SURVIVORS BLOG HERE.


  2. I like the old fashion way best too 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. #1 works good at a car wash, too. 😀 #3 & #9 are also helpful when you want something, like a new car. We’ll agree to almost anything when 3 & 9 are used. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The beer bottle was so inspirational!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You are in Germany P. You don’t have to wear anything but some fuzzy slippers. Jetzt ist sofort alles in Ordnung. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Ha ha… #2 won’t work for me either Paola! It is too cheesy. And then I have full lips… I will look really retarded trying that. heh heh.
    Yes… #3 is very very verrrrry doable, and so is #7 technology age visual… naughty business all the way.
    But all these wonderful ideas and no one to try them on…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Ha! I love your responses to #2 and #4. I’m a bit germaphobic as well. Don’t tell anyone…but I squirt sanitizer on tables in restaurants. If I drink a canned soda, I have to run it under hot water and wipe it down first (sexy). I can do dirty talk, but it usually seems so contrived, and over-the-top-porny sounding. I’m totally down w/ the wet t-shirt thing (oops. I just accidentally spilled a gallon of water on my white T). That works!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I do the same with cans!!
      And I never tried dirty talk (I did write it!!).
      Here it rains a lot and the wet t-shirt experience never EVER worked (maybe because I covered the tempting part 🙂 )

      Liked by 1 person

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