Saturday. My little one is still sick. he’s at the man’s house now and not looking really well but he doesn’t have a fever.
It’s not raining today. The sky is blue and it looks beautiful. I checked the forecast and it says it’ll snow the next days/week. I’m so not happy about it. I refuse to buy those ugly boots. And what about removing the snow from the street? So not looking forward to that. I hope the wind changes soon. I want to walk outside on my flip flops.
I woke up late this morning with the idea of catching up reading (I have MANY tabs open). But I also want to clean the house and go to the supermarket. Or watch a movie eating chocolate ice cream. It’s my weekend off so I have to feel that I did something nice or my week will be spoiled.
I wish I could clone myself now and let one of me clean the house and go to the supermarket and the other one take a bath while eating chocolate ice cream and watching a movie. I would also let one go out to the nearest big town and have a one night stand while the other me stays in bed covered till the neck watching another movie and eating pop corn. Something else?

A part of me feels too old/lazy to do many things while the other part is constantly asking why the hell I feel that way. I’m really sorry there is no part of me taking action and doing something.
I guess it all comes with the package of post/pre depression, stand by mode, lost sparkle, lack of will (except the will to escape that it’s always there). Denial and passiveness.

I better get dressed and do something since I know it won’t get done yet. My mom will be here in 3.5 weeks and then EVERYTHING will get done and stay done (At least while she’s here). Why didn’t I inherit that from my mom? A part of me would love to be so organized and tidy. While the other part of me is saying: HELL NO… That woman can’t relax if she sees a glass on the counter.

I just want to sit on a bench and relax.
Like that day. I was sitting (spread) on a bench, breathing and listening to the birds with my cousin. On the left Sant Esteve Church (Peratallada, Spain).



On the right, the gorgeous sun.


~ by DotedOn on January 17, 2015.

27 Responses to “143”

  1. Reblogged this on SURVIVORS BLOG HERE.


  2. I love your pic at the top, don’t know if I told you that before.

    I spend most of my time in front of the computer, thinking about what I want to or should do – mostly what I do is eat. lol… not ice cream either

    hope your babe feels better soon 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yeah, I know how you feel. I wish I could clone myself (although I don’t the world needs another me) so one could do chores and errands while the other one does what I really want to do: play 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I like the chocolate ice cream and movie part Paola… sounds divine. Pleasures in simple things, no?
    I’m so sorry he’s still sick… what a weekend. I’m betting he’ll be good as new by monday.
    Counting down to the arrival of your mum… chill time for you.
    Don’t worry so Paola… try to relax. Don’t stress over what you cannot help. Do the ones you can and leave the rest. There’s only this one life… let’s try to squeeze out what happiness we can from it. My love to your amazing and vibrant family…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Here’s to movies and chocolate ice cream.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Think happy thoughts, smile, and ignore yourself while doing those chores.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Confused Twin P
    There are probably several reasons you feel like you do. You have not been on your own raising five kids, getting all to school, getting ready for dad’s, healing when sick, a teenager asking if there’s a dick under the candy door. It’s winter time, dark, raining, freezing and you have to bike everywhere including each kid to school. The bullshit with getting cable is worth a movie, living in a small town there aren’t lots of chances to meet a man to befriend. Another very different part of your lifestyle is you worked into a frenzy for months after moving in getting the place livable. You have a problem with balance, it’s all or nothing. When you think about it, you have been very blessed. You went to see your parents, just returned from Spain and returning to Spain in several months. Once the weather warms up you can get out meeting people at the tiny pub or coffee shop.
    Then one area to continue to set boundaries with is the man. He is not to raise his voice in front of kids, let him know he isn’t welcome back if he raises his voice at your house. Continue to remind him what being a dad means, that doesn’t mean dropping a kid off with you because he’s mad at kid. Remind his lack of fatherly skills while under that same roof, he’s learning and his anger can’t be taken out on you or the kids. If none of the above works, tell him you will have you bad ass cowgirl from Texas come kick it out of him and he will know what is required after a few days.
    Easy said not easy done Twin M

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Twin,
      I’ll find out what’s wrong with me soon (hopefully).
      The weather here it’s horrible at the moment and even when I know that it’ll get better, I know that after that, it’ll be again bad… I just have to find a balance, as you mentioned.
      For now, only one day at the time (and that’s more than enough!!).
      Many hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Don’t discount the time of year it is,either. Less sun, more darkness. Just be sure that the dark days will end soon, and that the warmth of Spring will lift your spirits. If that doesn’t do it, a green army man will. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I get like this too. It’s all too easy to cocoon myself in to complacency. The days that I force myself to move past it are the best days. Pick up that book you’ve been meaning to read, and find yourself a sunny bench to read it on. A thermos of coffee…maybe Irish coffee, isn’t a bad idea either!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Hope your Saturday got okay, even if it was hard to get anything done. I’m feeling the same way these days, just turning on my computer is wearing me out before I do it… but it will get better, for both of us, I truly believe so ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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