Friday. Yay!! I slept so bad. I have a terrible headache and I’m evaluating going back to bed until noon. If I don’t sleep soon, I’ll start getting black circles around my eyes. The last entire night I had was the one of New Year’s Eve, when I almost broke my record of almost 7 straight hours.
So around 5.00am when I couldn’t sleep, I thought I was going to go to the pharmacy and get some natural sleeping pills. I don’t dare to try the other ones. I have bad experiences with sedatives.
Beginning 1995, I was a bit stressed. When I’m stressed, I tend to block my shoulders. When that gets worse, I contract the shoulders so much, that they almost touch my ears. Around March that year, I started feeling sick and fainted several times. My parents took me to several doctors, until one advised me to get physiotherapy to see if the massages would help me relax.
I went to ten sessions or so but I was still pretty tense. So the doctor said: “I’m writing you a prescription for Valium. You take one before going to sleep. That’ll help you relax”.
I left his office and went to get the Valium. At night, during dinner I said to my mom: “I’m not taking the entire pill because I’m afraid I’ll sleep until August”.
“Good idea, you are not used to take anything, start with half”.
I took my half pill and went to bed.

Like three hours later, my sister got back from somewhere. I think I heard her and woke up, sat on the bed and started shaking my arms and yelling very strange things to her. I think my sister thought I needed an exorcism.


I decided the next morning not to take Valium anymore.

The years passed and I had to deliver my 2nd son. No idea why, I had the contractions in the middle of my back, just where I hooked my bra (before the Wonder Bra times).
Just to give you an idea, never in my life I felt so much pain like that day. And I had endured bad pain in all my deliveries without drugs, because I couldn’t get the freaking doctors in Cowshitland to do what I asked or respect my wishes. So it was around 5.30am in the morning and I was already crying of terrible pain for the last 2 hours. I wasn’t at the hospital, I was at a Delivery Center close to the hospital because my midwife decided that I didn’t need doctors and her help was enough. She soon changed her mind when she found me hitting my head against the bathroom wall because I couldn’t tolerate the pain. It was like if someone was slashing my back with a blunt sword.
So she went to get a wheelchair and decided to take me to the hospital because I probably needed some drugs.
It was around 6.00am and guess what? “We are sorry but the anesthetist starts at 8.00am. You’ll have to wait”.
Linda Blair was a cute doll if you compared her with me that day.

Around 8.00am, a fu^&ing doctor appeared to see what kind of drug they could give me that wouldn’t hurt the baby. But surprise! I was too far open to get drugs so I had to do it without any.
There are a few moments in the life of a woman that you better don’t mess with her. In my case, when I have my period (I’m bitchy beyond limits) and when delivering.
So I was like: “So I’m not getting what I want to?! You won’t forget this freaking day in your entire life”. (And I won’t forget it either).
So I did one of the things I know how to do best. Scream. So loud that even my mom who was there, was begging me to stop. I didn’t stop. I went on and on louder and louder until a nurse approached me and injected me something in my leg. I felt like a horse at that moment, but before I could realize, my tongue was numb and my eyes blurry. The pain was still there and stronger than ever but I couldn’t say it. I was like: “Bwhad bhadhwa bwhaddwa”. The worse part is that I was totally conscious but I couldn’t express it properly. The freaking man was making fun of me and my mom was laughing and crying at the same time. I gave quite a show. I’m glad nobody was filming.

And that’s why I’ll try some natural remedy to help me sleep soon.

Long post so far but It’s Friday, I’m in Love and I can’t resist to share with you one of the only songs I truly like from my country.
It’s called: “Seguir Viviendo Sin Tu Amor” (Continue Living Without Your Love) by Luis Alberto Spinetta.

This song gave me goosebumps the first time I heard it back in 1991 and it still does. With the help of my friend Pia, I translated it for you because I couldn’t find it online. Also it took me a long time to find the version I remember and the one I like the most.


Seguir Viviendo Sin Tu Amor

Si a tu corazón yo llego igual
Todo siempre se podrá elegir
No me escribas la pared
Sólo quiero estar entre tu piel

Y si acaso no brillara el sol
Y quedara yo atrapado aquí
No vería la razón
De seguir viviendo sin tu amor

Y hoy que enloquecido vuelvo
Buscando tu querer
No queda más que el viento
No queda mas que el viento

Y si acaso no brillara el sol
Y quedara yo atrapado aquí
No vería la razón
De seguir viviendo sin tu amor

Continue Living Without Your Love

If I reach your heart in any way
We could always be able to choose
Do not write on my wall
I only want to be in the midst of your skin

And just in case the sun doesn’t shine
And I stay trapped here
I wouldn’t see the reason
To continue living without your love

And today I’m mad and back
Looking for your love
Nothing remains but the wind
Nothing remains but the wind

And just in case the sun doesn’t shine
And I stay trapped here
I wouldn’t see the reason
To continue living without your love

Gracias Pia!!
Have a Friday full of love!

source: metrolyrics.com


~ by DotedOn on March 20, 2015.

14 Responses to “205”

  1. Reblogged this on SURVIVORS BLOG HERE.


  2. I hope you feel better soon. Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

  3. De nada, kirida!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hope you can sleep better and feel better soon sweetie! ❤ xoxo Khloe


  5. Get well soon, Paola!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Wow! That’s quite a story. I know a lot of women with traumatic childbirth stories but I think that takes the cake


  7. Having trouble sleeping, maybe you could ask your doctor for Oxazepam. They usually give them to people who have a fear of flying to help them calm down before the flight, but you can sleep on them for 6 hours with no side effects and you won’t wake up in need of an exorcist. Good luck, take care and keep on blogging in a free world – The False Prophet


    • Thank you for the tip!! 🙂
      I used to take Dramamine long ago, I should try that again. I guess that getting reistabletten will be easier than convincing a doctor that I need drugs 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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