Friday!! I’ll go on with the story.
Spring turned into summer. 2011. I couldn’t accept that the man was an asshole so decided I was going to do my best to let him see that he loved me and that I deserved to be treated in a nicer way. And that we should be a happy family because we were all healthy. I was not going to give up without fighting.`
He didn’t want a vasectomy, I didn’t want surgery. We couldn’t agree on what to do.

The weather conditions during those summer holidays were bad. A lot of rain in the north of Europe. The man had to work and I had the kids almost every day at home. Saying that I felt like plucking my hair, is an understatement.
Four kids in a small house the entire day is really challenging. It’s almost impossible to please all of them. When you have one happy, the other three are nagging.

About one week before the school started again, the man called and said: “How fast can you pack? We are going on vacation tomorrow. I was thinking about going to Denmark”.
“Ok. Let me check how’s the weather there. I’m not going to a another house to stay inside and stress because the kids touch, and mostly break, EVERYTHING. So hold on 10 seconds and I check how it’s going to be there…. Rain, rain, rain, rain, cloudy, rain, rain. Sorry, I rather stay home”.
“Are you sure?”
“Not really, but I don’t want to leave the comfort of my house to be stressed in somebody else’s house and be watching the rain fall and the kids complaining. Can I check another destination?”
“Ok, but not further than 4 or 5 hours drive”.
“I’ll find something”.
I hung up, opened a map and check if there was a beach not further that 4,5 hours drive. North of France, which is famous for the bad weather but for some reason, the following week the weather was going to be ok. “Kids, would you like to go to France?”
“Yes!! Can we see the Eiffel Tower?”
“That’ll be a problem, the idea is to go to the beach”.
“Come on!!”
“Ok, I’ll try to convince your dad because it’s a bit more than 5 hours drive. We’ll see”.
I started checking for cheap hotels in Paris and I was amazed that I could find 2 rooms for less than €35 each (less than U$40). So when the man got home I said: “We had an idea. We go first to Paris, we stay there this weekend. Since it’s still August, we can do everything by car and parking is free in August. I already found a very cheap hotel and the kids really want to go there. Then on Monday we go to the beach. I found a place where it’s going to be warm and sunny.”
I was rubbing my eyes, rarely I got an OK from him. So I ran upstairs to pack. We left the next morning.
Paris is a nice city. My kids loved it. On Monday we left to go to the other place. We didn’t have any place to stay but luckily we found a camping with those mobile homes (containers).

I still had the plan to fix my relationship, I’m stubborn, you know. But the plan was only mine. The man was very relaxed those days but he had NO INTEREST in me. Zero. Nothing. Feeling rejected is bad. That’s how I was feeling for the past months. I didn’t know what the problem was. I can only tell you that I have a few boxes of unopened (and expired) condoms still lying around (I promise they’ll go next time it’ s garbage day).
I used to buy a box every time we went somewhere just in case the man changed his mind and found me attractive. No luck.
So I had no other choice than to think I was the problem. “Maybe I should lose some weight. Or try another haircut. Sexy lingerie?” Bring it on, I’ll do it. I was determined to make things work.

Since I had my 4 kids (and that was ALL I wanted) and I had stopped breast feeding, I decided it was time to lose the weight I could never lose since my first boy was born.
After every pregnancy, I felt like I was keeping one twin in me. I could never go back to my ‘before kids’ weight. So I went on a diet, I was determined to finally lose the extra weight.

I was amazed to see that after so many failed attempts, with this new diet, I was finally losing weight.
At the same time, I was sad. My dear friend Pia, who I had met at school because her husband was doing a PhD in Cowshitland and her kids were in the same classes than mine, was leaving soon after New Year.

Pia and me last summer. I met her when I visited my parents.


January 2012. Pia left and I was feeling pretty sad. In the past 15 years in Cowshitland, I’d never had such a close friend. I was missing her terribly. We used to talk every morning on the phone so I was a bit lost.
The diet continued working. I lost 11kg/24lb and was looking pretty good and feeling much better. I guess that did the trick because OMG, one night I got lucky!!!
I thought that my relationship with the man was going to improve soon. I could feel it.

So you can imagine how bad I felt when just before my 40th birthday, I was 2 weeks late and had the suspicion that I could be pregnant.

Sad story so far, but it’s not how I feel today. IT’S FRIDAY, I’M IN LOVE!!
And I LOVE this song!! Happy memories attached to it. The melody just makes me smile.
Enjoy Jean Michel Jarre, London KId.

Have a lovely Friday!!

~ by DotedOn on March 27, 2015.

25 Responses to “212”

  1. Reblogged this on SURVIVORS BLOG HERE.


  2. Hey! I miss you too!!! But IΒ΄m going there pretty soon, wait for me!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sounds a bit like what my father did to my mother. She got so skinny she was practically anorexic though!! On the other hand, you are lucky to be able to se Paris. I always wanted to go there. One day!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m happy that you feel great today, Paola! BTW, I’ve met your twin! She’s wonderful.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You have come a long way since Cowflopland P! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m sad to hear you did everything for him but he didn’t treat you the way he should 😦 You are just too good for him!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. It sucks that you had to go through all of that, but In a way, I think it’s better. This way, you’ll never have to wonder if you didn’t try hard enough. Relationships are hard work but it should never come down to one person putting forth all of the effort. Thanks for sharing your story P!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m sure it was better. It helped me open my eyes and take the one way road πŸ™‚
      I’m sorry if some parts were painful to read πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      • Comments are not going to my email. Not painful to read P. I’m just so happy that you’re releasing it. We’re all in this WordPress thing together. You’re brave to tell your story and I am strengthened by it. Hugs!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you Kim! πŸ™‚
        I’m not getting the comments either, I thought it was only me πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  8. ❀

    Liked by 1 person

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