250

250

Monday. I wonder if there is something I could do to make this day pass faster. I slept really bad. I had a bad headache and ended up waking up at 2.30am to take some pills. I thought that they’ll help me sleep too but I was wrong.
I think too much and all that thinking is really hurting me. And what’s worse is that not much gets done when I feel this way.
I’m carefully choosing my battles, I’m contemplating what’s worth to fight for. Today I feel like nothing deserves my love, or time or energy.

The man gave my oldest son a gaming computer.
A couple of weeks ago I said to the man that I didn’t want the computer here because it doesn’t have a playing limit and my son spent a lot of hours playing and didn’t do much else. So he took the computer.
This past weekend, my kids stayed here with me and my son begged me to allow him to have the computer here. I agreed.
What happened next? He played since he got back from school on Friday until last night almost non-stop. He didn’t help me mow the lawn on Saturday and he said he would. He didn’t help me mow the lawn yesterday either (I finally decided to do it).
At dinner time I said that the computer was going back to his dad’s house because he only played and didn’t listen to me or helped me with anything. He said he wanted to make a deal.
I said I didn’t want to make any deal with him. He just had to help me with some stuff because I was the only one doing them and that they cost a lot of time and energy.
He insisted that if we had made a deal, he would had helped me.
I said that he reminded me of someone who only helped me if he got something in return.
He said: “I’m not like him”
“No, you are worse, you could have helped me and showed me that you have a heart and that you loved me but instead you chose to keep playing on your freaking computer. And that’s why the computer will go to your dad’s house tomorrow”.
“No, he doesn’t want the computer there”
“Really? I don’t want it here either. He got it for you, he can keep it at his place”
“But…”
“But nothing. You proved that when you play, nothing else matters. You probably think that the food you eat and your clean clothes fall from the ceiling, but no, sadly, it’s me the one who takes care of that. And all the rest. Now I’m tired that everything I do it’s seen like it’s my job to do it. And it’s not. So the computer goes. At least, until you prove me that you care about something else than yourself”.
At that moment I saw that he had his right eye completely read, I looked closer and I could see all the veins. I said: “Go to the mirror and look at your eye… What you see there, it could be also happening in your brain. We can’t wait and see what could happen… Please understand me”.

Last week, my kids showed me some YouTube videos about kids addicted to video games. Those kids got really violent when someone tried to make them stop playing. It was very amusing for my kids to see, but it was very scary for me. My son is now my size and he’s the man’s son. He doesn’t hesitate when he wants to shout at me, he just does what he learned.
That’s a battle and don’t want to fight.

That’s why I’m afraid to open some doors and see what’s behind them, so I put my ear against a door and think for a bit if it’s worth to see what’s behind it. If it’s not good, I’ll pass. I can’t risk it. I can’t be broken again. There is nobody here to help me pick the pieces.

Advertisements

~ by DotedOn on May 4, 2015.

38 Responses to “250”

  1. Reblogged this on SURVIVORS BLOG HERE.

    Like

  2. I can see the difference in kids who play a lot of video games compared to those who don’t. I have a new baseball team this year, and I have one 11 year old whose reflexes are slower, who doesn’t run as well as others and who lacks social skills that the other eleven year olds have. Like everything else, everything in moderation.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes, sorry you are going through that. Having kids, particularly boys, addicted to video games is a common thing. Not only is my son addicted, but so is my husband and when they are in that zone, nothing else matters. However, they are both pretty good at knowing that in the scheme of things, video gaming comes last.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Be the boss Paola. I let my son do way too much gaming. To the point he would hold up his hand that means ” talk to the hand”. Coming from a broken home I didn’t want to argue. He’s 40 now and last week we talked on the phone and he didn’t like it that I disagreed w/ him about something and he said ” fuck you!” and hung up on me. You don’t earn their respect by letting them bully you, so if you feel there should be limits Paola stick to your guns. I’m still heartbroken that my son could be so disrespectful.

    Liked by 1 person

    • So sorry about your son Mandy. I’m heartbroken. I try to be the boss and I truly suck at it. I can’t handle them being bad at me but once I heard someone (a parent) saying: “If I have to choose if I want me or you crying now, I prefer the one crying is you”. So I hid the cable :D. He hated me for that, he’s not talking to me now. But, what can I do? I truly prefer he’s the one crying now, I don’t want to cry later… (I’m in pieces and spent the night crying, but he wasn’t the only reason). 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m sorry you’re having a rough time Paola. God I hated being a single mom. It’s hard enough just being a mom and not feeling guilty when you have to have a heavy hand. I was like you and many moms, I didn’t want my babies hating me. The only one I stayed firm with (because of the hard times I had with the others) is the youngest one. and wouldn’t you know, she’s the only one I have an awesome relationship with today, now that she’s an adult. I wish I could do it over–they’d have been doing a whole lot of crying and temper tantrums back then if I’d known what I know now. Much love and hugs Paola. Hang in there ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you Mandy! It’s really hard sometimes, specially when I don’t have the energy to fight… But I can’t be their doormat!!
        Much love to you too ❤ ❤

        Like

      • I hear you–and so do a whole lot of other moms!! The hardest job in the world!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Babies should come with instructions.. One for each, since they are ALL different… And why the hell I didn’t get an easy one?? 😀

        Like

      • I know! And they don’t tell you that you start out having fun and you can be a fun mom- and then all hell breaks loose and you must become mean strict mom and they hate you!! Not fair!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Totally unfair!! 🙂
        I’m calculating how many more teen years I have ahead… 17… without a break!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ok- here’s another hug. And a glass of something very strong!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you Mandy! ❤ ❤

        Like

  5. Twin P
    My grandparents kept us in line by making us play in back of house of company was over, we could not talk while adults were talking, scrapped your dinner plate in trash and take to sick. The real kicker was “Go get a switch” If you came back with a little dried out switch you got two taps. They barely hit with the switch, don’t they ever made a mark but the anticipation of walking outside, finding a switch to pass the test was more scary than the switch.
    It’s a different world, the only technology we had was a telephone, washer and dryer. I had to go without showers and I don’t like baths.
    You have been managing the kids with little or no help for so long. Now you’re on you own without any help. Your oldest some will naturally try to move into the lead role. It sucks but you are going to set expectations, tell the consequences if not completed and follow thru on what you say.
    I’ll give you another angle……the person you date or fall in love with is not going to want 5 unruly kids. Stepparents have a hard enough time. If you want what you say, turn your attention to getting your house of cards in order.
    It sucks, glad God thought better than to give me any.
    it’s hard, what you do everyday is hard but you signed up for it.
    I say everything with love in my heart. I would even babysit for short times if I was there. Or you could go away for couple of days and they’ll be marching a line. I don’t cave to wining.
    The way parents do it here, the ones I know of they do not let kid be in space like room with computer by themselves, you block sites that he should not see. Set a time limit 30-60 minutes, know ll there passwords, if they change without telling you computer goes away. No chat rooms, twitter, Facebook and all the other places kids at any ago can get into trouble. I know he is a good kid.
    I would have kicked the man’s ass for buying anything like that before talking to you. You need to do a major kick ass on everyone. It will relieve some stress and you’ll feel better.
    Luckily it’s almost outside weather.
    I wish I could help. I’m the best parent in the world, I have none and know what people need to do to their kids.

    Bad news on the health front. So glad I received the Rosary in time, I wear it everyday. After I get out of shock I’ll write an email with all details. This is the longest toughest battle of my life. Pray for me and light a candle when your at mass.
    Love you
    Shocked Twin M

    Liked by 2 people

    • They used to have limits, my other son has. This new computer is the problem. They don’t have FB or Twitter and they have parental control and many websites blocked.
      But even the freaking and innocent games 18 hours a day, are too much for me to handle.

      I’m so sorry about the bad news, I feel like crying (in fact, I am).
      Being a parent is hard. There is no instruction manual included 🙂
      hugs.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. That sounded like the conversation I had with my daughter yesterday. Only she didn’t want to live with us because I was always busy doing stuff. And then I told her maybe if you helped out a bit I wouldn’t be!

    She has a temper too, and she slams the doors and kicks them, but so far have not attempted to put her rage on me. I will not tolerate that, in any way. But I guess I will act differently when my little man has outgrown me and are having tantrums…

    sending you lots of love and hope this day will be better ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Handling bad attitudes is hard!! I truly have little or not control over my kids because I feel I already did too much to hurt them.. They are probably taking advantage of that 🙂
      Thanks for the love and hugs, I send some to you too! (This day is not better… I hope next one it is) 🙂

      Like

  7. I’m so sorry to hear that dear. Although I’m not a mother, I totally understand your point of view. Addicted to computer game seriously does no good to your kids and your worries are exactly like my mum’s worries when my elder brother was really rebellious as a teenager in the past. Sending you lots of love and I truly hope your kids learn fast enough to understand your feelings! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This is a critical time in your son’s life and will determine how the next few years go for him. Talking alone will not help him understand but firm and fair rules with no compromise will set an example. He needs someone in his life to be strong and set an example or your heartbreak has only just begun. Be strong P. Young boys learn how to treat women from their mother and father. If he learns to be disrespectful and aggressive with his mother he will treat all women that way.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: