256

Sunday. Happy Mother’s Day!! My kids are not with me today but they’ll come to give me a kiss later. Actually, we’ll meet in a playground that’s in the vicinity and we’ll have a picnic (or just get our asses wet because it’s be en raining terribly the past days).
Now I want to write about embarrassment. I don’t know if it feels the same to every one, but for me, I have three kinds. 1) The kind that you blush when being put in the spot, 2) the kind where you beg that the ground opens and swallows it so you can disappear and 3) the kind you feel when you didn’t do anything at all but someone who you know did and you just feel embarrassed.
I think I have material to write more than 50 posts about embarrassment.

Back in November/December, the man was being a jerk (as most of the times) and he insinuated I needed a “service”. He offered once to get me and escort (and paying for him). What I never wrote about was what happened after I declined his offer.

One week before Christmas, he video called me. He started again talking about the “service” that according him, I really needed. At one point, he said:
“Ok, if you don’t want me to pay for someone to give it to you, let me get you a toy. That way, I’ll know that you won’t go with other men”.
WTF!! I had to really control myself to avoid saying F@#K YOU!. So I decided to play along and said:
“If I have a toy, I will use it with my new man”. So I opened amazon.de and wrote something like “adult toys” and started browsing while we were talking. He kept asking:
“And?? Do you like any?”
So I took a couple that seemed to be for elephants and sent the links to him and said: “But don’t get me any, I’ll buy one myself”.
“OK”.

Some weeks passed and one day I asked him if he could drive me to Cowshitland because I had to see some friends and since he was going that direction, I could go with him. Ok. While we were on the car, he said:
“You have no idea what happened last week”
“No, what happened?”
“My (not exactly) girlfriend answered my phone because I was driving. After she hung up, she decided to open the browser. Guess what popped up?”
“How should I know?”
“One of your toys”
“What??”
“Remember those links you sent me in December?”
“Yes”
“She saw them.”
“But we are in February now, why did you keep that open?”
“I don’t know”
“Ok, what did you say?”
“You know that I’m not really fast answering”
“What did you say?”
“I said that you sent me those links because I wanted to buy a toy for you”
“Are you dumb?” Like I needed him to answer that…

I’m sure many of you had an “Oh Shit Moment” where you desperately needed an excuse and nothing, absolutely nothing, came to your mind.
I had many of those but I must say that I’m really lucky and mostly I’m good thinking about a credible excuse in just seconds…

Some time ago, something like that happened in my house. I got caught by my daughter and I needed an excuse. I’m glad she’s 5 and she bought it… I’m not sure if in 10 years my crappy excuse would have worked…
Anyway, I’m not telling what happened exactly, but just imagine a situation more or less like this one.

Let’s say that you (woman) decide to spice up things in the bedroom and get some sexy lingerie. You read an article in a magazine saying that men really enjoyed roll playing games and you thought, why not? We are together for so long, let’s just try it once. So you go ahead and search online for something… And then you come up with “The Perfect” costume.
A French Maid costume!! So you order it.

You wait for the 3 weeks that it takes for your shipment to get home and you pray that it gets delivered while your kids are at school.
Everything goes according to plan. You get the package while you are alone, and you even have the time to hand wash it just to be used that same evening.
You rush doing it and think for a moment… Crap, this needs to dry… and if I put it in the drier, I’m not sure what it’ll come out… Where do I hang it? Not outside on the line, I don’t want the neighbors seeing it… Not in the bathroom (because you remember what happened a few times when you forgot about it and you got visitors.

Depending the time of the month, they found these:

or these:

Then you decide to hang it in front of the window in your bedroom and keep the door closed… But of course, you forget about it… Until you hear your daughter all excited screaming:
“Is this dress for me??? I’m sure it is, it’s so small, it has to be for me!!”

~ by DotedOn on May 10, 2015.