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Mug shot Tuesday. Only You. The feeling of a person in love. I’ll go on with the hot topic (and that is what’s in my mind for days and keeping me awake at night).
Yesterday I read a post on a blog I follow in Spanish. It’s the only blog I follow in Spanish. The writer is a lovelorn woman. She got her heart broken some time ago and now she’s trying to get over the man who apparently cheated on her and lied to her several times. She writes beautifully. I must confess that I never felt so much hate for an ex like she does. Maybe because I never caught any of my exes cheating on me. I guess I have to be thankful for that (for them not doing it or for me not digging deeper).
She wrote about all the time she wasted on him and things like that.
And that reminded me of many of my friends and sister when their relationships were over. And they expected me to say something…

What are you supposed to say or not say in those cases?
My mom told me once: “NEVER, and I mean NEVER say anything bad about the men of your friends when they break up because maybe the day after they get back together and then there is a chance you’ll lose that friend or be the bad guy.”
You have no idea how hard it’s to keep my mouth shut.

I’ll give you one example: Peter cheated on Mary several times and she forgave him. Why? Who knows, some of us women never learn that once the guy cheated on us the chances are big that he’ll do it again.
I think that the first time they cheat/lie is the hardest and if they could do it that one time, the other times come more naturally.
But of course, I can’t say that to my weeping friend (or to me). I can only say things like: “Do what you feel like doing, what you think it’s best for you”.

Example number two:
A woman who is in love is mostly blind and deaf (and sometimes, highly stupid too. Yes, I’m speaking for myself here).
So it won’t matter to her if you say: “He’s a cheater”. Very likely she’ll defend him with a sword and shield. Why? no idea… Love? Pride? Hard to accept defeat?

Exhibit A: The song “Nothing Compares to You”

I paid attention to the lyrics of this song for the first time last week… Holy crap. That’s exactly what most women do, or at least, what I do when I have my heart broken… What really got me was the part I marked with an arrow…

It’s been seven hours and fifteen days
Since you took your love away
I go out every night and sleep all day
Since you took your love away
Since you been gone I can do whatever I want
I can see whomever I choose
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant
But nothing …
I said nothing can take away these blues,

‘Cause nothing compares …
Nothing compares to you

It’s been so lonely without you here
Like a bird without a song
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling
Tell me baby where did I go wrong?
I could put my arms around every boy I see
But they’d only remind me of you
———> went to the doctor guess what he told me
Guess what he told me?
He said, girl, you better have fun
No matter what you do
But he’s a fool …

‘Cause nothing compares …
Nothing compares to you …

All the flowers that you planted, mama
In the back yard
All died when you went away
I know that living with you baby was sometimes hard
But I’m willing to give it another try

‘Cause nothing compares …
Nothing compares to you

I have no idea what the guy did to her but I’m completely sure the heartbroken girl didn’t listen to the doctor because the song ends saying that she’s willing to give the guy another chance. She’s blind/deaf/stupid by love.

Who wants a cheater? Who wants a liar? Who wants an abuser? Who wants an insecure? If he lied/cheated on his ex, why do you think he won’t do it to you? He hurt you, why do you want him back?
Who wants to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?

I know that when we get our hearts broken we hear many of our friends and family asking those questions above.
I understand the good intentions. It’s clear that they want us to pass the transition quickly. But I think we (the heartbroken ones) filter that.
I wish I knew the answer of any of those questions when I have a broken heart, I think that way everything could be easier.
I can only tell from my own experience that I could let go when I was ready to let go and not one minute earlier.
I admit I defended the liar, the cheater and the abuser.
What I’m not sure is why I did it… And everything indicates that I’ll do it again.



~ by DotedOn on June 2, 2015.

14 Responses to “279”

  1. Reblogged this on SURVIVORS BLOG HERE.


  2. Me too! Some days I could even take back my ex, and sadly my harsh words about him and my friends and family’s opinions would never make it possible. Don’t even know if he would want take me back, but some days I just dream….❀️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My friends did not even say “Are you sure?” when I got back with my ex husband. Of course I was quick to assure them that I was, before I ever opened my mouth.

    Anyway to this day I don’t know if he cheated on me, other than with porn (that was bad enough. He did plenty else wrong, and so did I). Honestly? If he did cheat, don’t want to know.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Exactly! We have a very nice saying is Spanish: “Ojos que no ven, corazΓ³n que no siente”. I looked for the English meaning and it says: “out of sight, out of mind”… Literally is something like: If eyes don’t see it, it won’t hurt your heart” πŸ™‚


  4. Great advice by your mom. I offer support in those cases, because you know that they’ll get back together. There are times that friends regret sharing those stories, and resent you, even if you haven’t said a bad thing about their significant other.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Your mom is right. It’s risky to the friendship. We can only console. It’s a tricky thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh goodness, who knows why we do what we do? Love the song though!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. the song rocks. the singer is irish. your mom had some great advice. All your family give good advice hahaha. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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