Wednesday. I’m yawning. I wish I could go back to bed. I took my kids to school and when I came back I called the man. Actually, I video called him. That was a huge surprise for him. His words: “It’s the first time I see you smile since February”… I guess I’m getting really good at not showing him my feelings. He’s a mess right now. I felt bad for him. He told me that he has many fights with his girlfriend because he talks too much about me… I had to ask what the hell he has to say about me. He said that yesterday she asked him why he never cooked when we were together. He told her the story I still never wrote here. It’ll come… What I did say (and I say it EVERY chance I get) is this: “You used to help me every day with everything until that day that your mother visited us and I said to her “Bad luck if your husband doesn’t help you, your son helps me”, that day, everything changed, that was THE LAST TIME you helped me with anything”.
I can’t fucking believe it… How he could became such an ass in that very second. From being incredibly nice to think that everything in the house was my job.
I said also: “Your mom NEVER liked me, she took care of making my life miserable… She won”.
“No, you won”
“No, I didn’t win, I suffered many years because you stopped caring.”
“Anyway, I talked to them on Saturday and they asked me if it was a good idea if they talked to you”.
“WHAT??? Talk to me?? For what??” And at that moment I thought: “if you give them my number, I’ll chop your balls off (the ones you never showed when you had to)”.

Anyway, I had to talk to him because my daughter grew up and her bike is too small so I asked him if we could get her a new bike soon. Also because in a couple of weeks the police is going to her kindergarten to teach the kids how to ride a bike, some rules and how to stay safe. She totally needs it. She can ride a bike and she’s fearless (now I understand my mother, it sucks having kids like that…). I got five like that. Partly it’s my fault, I trained them to be tough.

A couple of days ago, I read something really funny or really sad or… I don’t know how to define it.


I personally can’t tolerate Dora The Explorer (or as my 3rd son calls her, Dora The Exploder (she kinds of blows your mind, but not in a good way). I can’t tolerate the voices… that’s violent for me.
I remember watching Tom and Jerry and liking only the episodes when they were enemies… To see Tom and Jerry as friends makes my stomach turn.

How much kids learn from cartoons? I know that my cousin smashed a hammer against the TV after he copied some cartoon character, I can’t remember which one now… He was three years old.

I know that my kids learn other languages watching cartoons… Apart from that, I think they understand those are cartoons and see the difference from real life. Video games are another thing. They are part of the game so they became frustrated/happy/violent. It depends if they are winning or not.

I couldn’t blame the TV for my kids faults. I can blame me and their father for many of the things they do. They saw us fighting a lot, calling each other names, they could feel the lack of love and respect. And that was all real, not a cartoon.

Mostly all the cartoons they watch, are hitting each other, shooting at each other, calling names at each other, and so on… But the only things I hear them say when they fight, are the words they heard me and their dad saying…

It’s unbelievable the amount of damage (or wrong messages) we pass on to our kids unintentionally.
You can try to be the best parent but that doesn’t guarantee your kids will turn out to be good.
I play Words With Friends with a man for a couple of years already. He has four boys, all adults now. About one year and a half ago he told me his youngest son had a problem with the law and that he had to go to jail. Then he added: “And you know what kills me the most, he was the good one!!”…

I was shocked for days… Kids will grow and make their own choices. And those choices won’t be always good.


~ by DotedOn on June 3, 2015.

21 Responses to “280”

  1. Reblogged this on SURVIVORS BLOG HERE.


  2. Hi Paola! I have an award for you if you wish to join in!


    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Twin
    Once kids reach a certain age, like after graduation, they are adults. Adults without experience. My grandparents were strict until I moved out. I had to borrow money a couple of times but always had to pay back. Kids become adults they have to learn from their mistakes.
    Is the ex trying to make you jealous or missing you? He can’t make up his mind.
    Thank you for the prayer card. I will learn more about her. David is scared about my eyesight. He keeps emotions inside most of the time, I guess he has to be strong. I have to be strong, I’m the one losing me eyesight. For most of our marriage I have taken care of my grandparents or sick. A couple of hospitalizations. I was really touched when he called eye dcctor. Over the weekend he said we need to start looking for a one story house. I have to run, a show on Gorilla’s in on. I love big silver backs. Have an awesome day.


    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh yes, can’t stand Dora the Explorer either!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh we’re always busy fucking up our kids. It’s not just parents. Teachers mess them up too. And yet they find their way. Yes, it’s hard and we do teach them bad examples sometimes, but it’s also not good to be perfect in front of them all the time either, that can b ejust as bad. So it’s a weird thin line and maybe there’s no winning, just trying your best and loving them hard.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. as long as you do your very best with your kids, no one can ask more. they willgrow up. they will choose. and they will sometimes do the wrong things in life. all you can do is guide them, teach them good morrals, etc. XX

    Liked by 1 person

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