283

283

Saturday. I can’t remember when it was the last time I felt so relaxed… Probably in Spain (after having 3 glasses of sangria). I don’t know why, I’m just happy today. Yesterday it was really warn, 32ºC/92ºF. Unbelievable nice to let the freaking jacket home and wear a t-shirt.
Most of my Friday sucked pretty much. I had a few fights with the man over the day and that made me cry a lot. My kids saw me crying and shouting at him on the phone. They didn’t know who I was talking to, so they kept coming into my room and asking: “Who are you talking to?”
My weekends alone are mostly very sad and depressive so I was kind of getting ready to another ruined weekend when I thought: “Why should I waste my weekend like that when I could be having some fun?”
So I put a bottle of sweet rosé wine in the freezer and started preparing my “calming zone”.
I took all the things I thought were going to make me happy. The wine + glass, the snacks, my iPod and my computer. And of course, that little table I found on a pile of garbage on the street the day I went to pick my dad at the train station. Yes, I don’t mind reusing/recycling at all. Doesn’t it look cute with that little table cloth?

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My favorite snacks are cheese curls. I love to eat them, I love the noise they make in my mouse and I love to lick my fingers after eating them.
For some freaking reason, I can’t find them in this town so I had to find a new favorite.
Same shape, also made of corn but instead of cheese around, these have peanut butter…
I was craving those for 3 weeks so I decided to get them for this weekend (you know, soul food).
When I was at the supermarket, I saw this “Special Edition” Tuscany Style. Imagine how a peanut butter sandwich with oregano, olive oil and tomato will taste… Strange right?

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Only the first one tasted strange… I ate half bag… Thats about 488 calories because it was a 200 grams bag.
I also had a glass of wine. I didn’t feel better. I went for a huge bowl of chocolate ice-cream. No changes. I still didn’t feel good.
I went back inside and found two text messages from the man… I decided they were not going to affect me.
Then I opened my fake Facebook account and I found this:

Screen Shot 2015-06-05 at 7.53.45 PM

I sent that to the man… You see, only one glass of wine was just enough to get my inhibitions away. I searched for some music on YouTube and I was dancing in my bedroom… I even did a strip tease just before taking a shower.

A few days ago, my friend T posted this:

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The only difference was that I was already awake, just tired and exhausted of feeling all these crappy feelings that are trying to rule my heart and mind.
So I said to myself: “Enough”

I watched a movie, polished my toe nails and then I went to sleep. I didn’t sleep much but this morning I woke up relieved and smiling.

It’s after 1.00pm now and I’m still having breakfast. I just finished the other half bag of my soul food, but this time I did it just for fun.

I want to share with you a picture of one of our pets, Clover:

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Like most of my pets, he lives outside. I let only my pet spiders inside.

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~ by DotedOn on June 6, 2015.

35 Responses to “283”

  1. Reblogged this on SURVIVORS BLOG HERE.

    Like

  2. I’m glad you’re feeling better. It’s strange how sometimes we have no control over our emotions. The little meme you put in ‘I felt better, just like that.’ That’s a great attitude but not sure it’s so easy to attain for many depression sufferers. Do you know yesterday I saw an article that said that depression may be an allergic reaction?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Happy to read that you’re smiling 🙂 and the meme for your ex was amazing👍🏻👍🏻😂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Twin

    It’s wonderful to see your tea/wine garden. Is it by the pond? Yes, I hear you, life can suck. I attempted suicide starting at 9 years old. When my Bipolar starts to spiral, I never know how far down I’ll go. I have to learn when to reach out, before reaching the pit.

    I understand what your looking for, most of us have or will. We can’t force things to happen. Negative self talk is not helping you. I fall into negative thoughts when depressed.

    You took a big step. It felt good. When the negative talk starts, ask yourself if there was a trigger, a huge step. Repeat, Repeat. My Therapist helped me over the years to see what I can control and when I’m not at the wheel.

    I believe you can accomplish everything you want. Write down want you want life to look like, If you can’t control, do you need to take action or do nothing.

    I’m here anytime. I say this from my heart, no malice. I’m so tired, blabbing along. Time for me to go to bed. Sleeping only 4 hours doesn’t agree with Lyme Brain.

    Huge Hugs

    Twin

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, it’s by the pond 🙂 The only crappy thing is that the internet connection is very weak there.
      Thank you Twin ❤
      I hope you are having sweet dreams now. 🙂
      hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

      • My Fav Twin
        The Zen area is for relaxing, breathing the air, dreaming, maybe having a drink or two. I can visualize setting gabbing a 100 miles an hour. I apologize for getting on my over tired soap box. You know everything I’m saying.
        I think you need more in the Zen area. More Zen in life.
        Love you Like Twin

        Liked by 1 person

      • I still need to work on the Zen area. I can’t achieve a Zen attitude if my internet connection is not good 😀
        I’m tired today, the hormones are killing me!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Twin
        The Zen area is a no computer zone. Work on being present with your thought, your future travels, your goals and most importantly is to relax. It’s scary at first, takes practice.
        hugs
        🙂
        Twin

        Liked by 1 person

      • Twin, I can’t be let alone with my thoughts right now… It’s a bad trip.
        And why you are not sleeping? ❤ 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      • Good question, I see this hours more and more. I am taking several drugs with insomnia as side affect. Lucky today, I slept uninterupted until 4PM. Now working to complete a post. Like you I don’t always do what is asked, blogging runs thru my veins and I love it.
        🙂
        Twin

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hahaha, I know that feeling. I’ll do crazy things when my family is around, except from my kids, nobody knows I write, so I have to hide to write and the only way I can do that is to stay up until very late (because there is no way I’ll wake up earlier!!).
        I’m glad you could sleep without interruptions. I need that too, at least once a month!
        Now I go to do something because I’m still in bed. I’m behind with everything, I don’t like it. 🙂
        hugs!

        Liked by 1 person

      • I don’t like being behind curve, only so many hours in a day.Sleepy time is close, the yawning has started.
        Talk to you tomorrow.
        Twin

        Liked by 1 person

      • sweet dreams Twin ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you Twin. Not much sleep stayed up till 5AM up 7:30AM. There are several important calls, I need his help. I can’t arrange appt. when I stop mid sentence and don’t have a clue what talking about. Insurance & hospitals would get frustrated. We’re talking to insurance, crossing fingers they will pay close to $50,000 in next year. I don’t want to blow the call. See how fun it is when Lyme is parting in brain.
        Hugs
        Twin

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hi Twin, I hope last night was better and that you got everything arranged with the insurance.
        Hugs

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hi Twin
        Rough day. Felt half dead, then received doctors report. That was a kick in the bum. It’s 8-9 pages long, I have to read again, slept and don’t remember what it says. I learned more about myself, it’s depressing reading how much is wrong with you.
        Have a great day, hopefully warmer today.
        Hugs
        Twin

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hi Twin, I’m sorry about the report.
        I hope you got enough rest. You need it in order to function.
        Is there anything I can do for you?
        hugs

        Liked by 1 person

      • Twin
        Praying is always welcome,long battles need guidance. I always enjoy a good hug. I have to accept the news at it comes, my emotions are a strong fighter. It’s hared to work initial shock. Losing is not an option.
        I would rather get an email with details of the love in your heart. Thanks you for always being there. It can get lonely.
        Huge Hugs
        Twin

        Liked by 1 person

      • Many hugs to you Twin 🙂
        (And I truly hope you are sleeping now <3)

        Liked by 1 person

      • You would think sleeping is easy, I get unwelcome news daily. I’m still overwhelmed.
        in shock really. It will pass. right now crying feels good.
        Hugs
        Twin

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sleeping is NEVER easy, I never learned how it’s done.. I’m the worst sleeper ever!
        Crying is ok sometimes… Let me know if I can be your shoulder or napkin 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hugs 😴

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I love your little corner of solitude. I can visualize you sitting there looking up at the sky and smiling. Continue enjoying that solo time, and you are never alone. Enjoy the sounds of nature and how warm the sun feels on your skin. Some day I will join you and we will have the ocean in front of us.
    Someday……..

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love that little sport too 🙂
      I hope that we get some summer because that was the only day I could enjoy it… It’s still cold here… So disappointing!!
      The ocean in front of us sounds perfect! 🙂

      Like

  6. Good for you P! Solitude Zone looks very inviting. I think if I did that it would be hard to get me to go inside again. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. i’d like to taste those peanut butter snacks. i love peanut butter. cheese curls sound yummilicious too! We have cheese puffs here, they are lovely too. you should have “me” time more often. XX

    Liked by 1 person

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