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Sunday. It’s sunny and I’m really grateful about that. It’s not really warm but I don’t care. I couldn’t finish painting, I will finish today and after that, maybe I’ll mow the lawn. It’d be great if I have that done too. When I feel sad I can’t accomplish anything. When things don’t get done, I get frustrated. Too much frustration leads to sadness. It’s a freaking circle of hell once you are in it… So whenever it’s possible, I have to avoid being sad. But how? It’s not that I can control everything around, I wish I could.
So far, I don’t watch the news, they make me sad. I don’t watch movies that could make me sad. And everything that doesn’t make me happy, it has to go. The only doses of sadness I get, come from caring about people. Their pain is my pain. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I wish nobody was sick or in pain, or suffering, like many people I know. There should be a way to change that. Something like: you get to suffer for 10 points in your life, and no more. And that every sad thing has a value. Once you suffered your 10 points, nothing else could make you sad or have pain. Life is so unfair to some of us. That’s another thing that makes me sad. It’s like some people got all the pain and bad luck there is. They see so much suffering in daily life that makes the rest of us feel like our problems are less important. At least, that’s what happens to me. I keep saying to myself: “Paola, PERSPECTIVE”. But hey, pain is pain and it hurts the same to all of us. What I’m against is the many times some of us have to experience pain.
Suffering should be like playing Bingo with only one card. When you are done, you are done. You shout BINGO and that’s it. No more pain for you.
Right now, it’s not even. Some of us got way too many cards.

I feel like I shouted BINGO long ago. My biggest fear is to discover that I have another card somewhere.

~ by DotedOn on August 2, 2015.