442

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Wednesday. I didn’t sleep well or enough. I always had problems sleeping. It’s not something natural for me. It’s hard to fall asleep and it’s even harder to stay asleep.

Yesterday I said something not so nice to a person who I really care about. Then, when I tried to fix it, I made things even worse. That made me really sad. I only wanted to cry.

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Just before turning the light to go to sleep, I found an email from the man. It was almost 2am. I read it and got very anxious. I still don’t know why he does some things. It took a while to fall asleep.

Around 3.15am I woke up and couldn’t fall asleep again. I was still sad. Then I started listening to strange noises. I couldn’t tell if it was a bird on the roof or a rat in the attic. I covered my head. I only wanted to sleep. Finally, when I was almost sleeping, I heard a really loud noise that scared me to death. I woke up and started shouting “What happened?” a few times until my daughter said: “I fell from the bed”. I went to kiss her.
I was shaking. It was past 4.30am and I was counting how many hours left before the stupid alarm clock said it was time to wake up. A bit more than 2 hours. It could be worse.

Before 7am I turned off the alarm clock and I saw a message from the man:

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“During the night, I sent you an e-mail. If you didn’t see it yet, don’t read it, throw it away.”
Well, too late.

This morning I have a headache and a stomachache but I don’t care. I don’t even care that I slept less than 4 hours. I only care about the person I hurt. I wish I could turn back time.

How the f#$k do you fix something like this?

errtgd

Hey, if you are reading this, please forgive me.

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~ by DotedOn on November 11, 2015.

21 Responses to “442”

  1. Reblogged this on SURVIVORS BLOG HERE.

    Like

  2. Its so true that when something’s said it is said. You know, no matter how hard you try you cannot take it back. And later when you realize how big a mistake you’ve made all you can do is regret.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. You can’t take it back, but hope the person is human enough to see you are human too…and we make mistakes, sometimes bad ones :/

    Liked by 2 people

  4. A lot of times when you say something you feel like you shouldn’t have said, it’s best to leave it alone. Maybe just a simple apology…but any more like that can make things worse or make you look more guilty than you really are. Personally, my rule is that, no matter what somebody does, as long as they say they are sorry, it’s okay. It may take me a while to truly forgive them but I know that all they can do is apologize and all I can do is accept it and if I don’t, that’s my problem.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Oh Paola, that feels so bad. I think the only thing worse than being the one reading something that makes you feel so bad, is being the person who writes something, hits SEND, and then wishes they didn’t. I’ve don’t that-argh!! Hope you can both clear it up so you can get some sleep!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I’m sorry you had a rough night. You said something you regret. We all have, and we all will again. I think it’s comes with having a tongue. A true friend will recognize your sincere regret and forgive in time.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I think that most people know when an apology is real. I can tell just from reading this that you deeply regret what happened even though it may have been the result of psychological stress. I must say it’s refreshing to see a genuine sense of shame instead of the projection, denial, and half assed apologies that aren’t apologies but more like condescending accusations of weakness.

    intelligent and emotionally mature people know that as humans we are imperfect.

    People who know and accept this will usually take accountability for lapses in judgement and will forgive these lapses in others.

    Thank you for an excellent post.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. The only advice I have for something like this is remember that roses grow best in fertilizer (i.e. manure, fish heads, and disgusting other things that we think are useless).

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I know how it feels when you wanted to take it back, but you couldn’t. I’m sorry about it. Hope that person isn’t feeling too upset about it!

    Liked by 1 person

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