512

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Wednesday. I finally admitted to my mom that I was a bit depressed. Of course I didn’t use the “depression” word. I just said that I felt down and that I didn’t want to wake up in the morning and that almost nothing motivates me. I hate worrying her but I hate keeping things from her. Her response: “I’m sorry to hear that but you’ll have to keep waking up in the morning because you have kids”. Ughhh.

I also called my grandma. She just turned 90. She was the only one who didn’t know I had separated from the man. My mom chose not to tell her so she wouldn’t worry but she found out anyway. She has a way to find the lie in anything. We are not sure how she does that since she doesn’t need to hit you with the back of a gun or burn you with a cigarette. She just asks questions. Several questions until you contradict yourself with your answers. Then, if she’s not satisfied with what she knows, she goes to the people around and keeps asking. She knows sooner or later someone will “sing”.
And of course she knew I had moved out and I was single and was PISSED at my mom because she didn’t tell her. So when I called her I said: “I asked my mom to keep this from you so you wouldn’t worry”. “I know, I know… At my age, I just know things”… No kidding!

So I finally came clean. Do I feel better about it? I don’t know. I feel cold, cold from the inside. Like empty.

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~ by DotedOn on January 20, 2016.

14 Responses to “512”

  1. Reblogged this on SURVIVORS BLOG HERE.

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  2. Wish I could hug you in person right now! I know it may not warm you from inside, but at least I think it may make you feel a bit better. Lots of hugs, kisses and love to you sweetie! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Paola, I really hope things pick up for you. You seemed so happy when you were away on vacation. It sounds like you’re in a rut and that’s making you depressed? And again, up that Vit. D 😀 And I can’t help wondering if your wise grandmother had any words of advice or anything for you that could help. oxox

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I would imagine it would be difficult to keep something like that from someone who is relatively close to you.
    Sorry you are depressed for so long. I think the answer is really in you. Ultimately nothing will make you happy but yourself.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. You sure it’s not just the weather seeping through your skin? (at least it’s a good excuse you can use for the time being, if nothing else :D)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m really getting worried about you. I know deep depression all too well,and I know it’s a slippery slope. I’m proud of you for telling your mom about it though. Her advice might seem harsh, but she’s not wrong.

    Liked by 1 person

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