528

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Friday. I don’t know what’s wrong with me today. I can’t find the words I need to express my ideas. I had a full paragraph written and I deleted it. That almost never happens.
I have a few reasons to feel mad today. Impotent. All my life I struggled accepting the things I didn’t like. Most of the times I fought those things till the end and if I couldn’t change them, I admitted that some things couldn’t change and it was better to accept them and move on (and try to bury them somewhere in my mind where I knew they wouldn’t come back and haunt me).

Some things are just not fair. When I feel that something is not fair I kind of explode. I shout, hit my pillow or clench my teeth. I think that if it were possible, I’d be turning green like the Hulk.
Some people suffer in silence and keep everything to themselves. I don’t think that’s healthy. I also don’t think is healthy trying to hit someone. I feel like hitting my ex several times a month and I wonder if I he pushes me to the limit, if I could get so violent to hit him and hurt him. I believe I could.
I think that my hormones also influence my mood (really??). Last week it was my weekend without the kids. I was looking forward to that for very long time because the previous time my ex left one of my kids here and I had to rearrange my plans.
The entire week I told my kids: “Don’t you dare to piss off your dad because if he leaves one of you here, you’ll end up sleeping on the yard because this is my weekend alone”.
I love my kids but I also love my time alone. I need the silence. I need to go to the bathroom and not explain what I’m doing. I’m kind of tired of “I’m sitting on the toilet, WTF do you think I’m doing?”. And I really don’t like myself much when I shout: “I’m shitting!!”.

PMS plus unfairness is a really bad combo for me.
My friends can tell when I’m on the edge.

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Thank you Aaron, that’s exactly what I needed to hear.

And IT’S FRIDAY, I’M IN LOVE!! And this song goes perfectly with today’s post. Probably you are sick of it. I suspect it’s on the radio every hour. Never mind, I like the lyrics. I could relate.
It’s like a warning song: “Know that I can lose it soon, are you going to be there anyway?”

Enjoy R. City and Adam Levine.

LOCKED AWAY
(written by Lukasz Gottwald, Cathryn Tennille, Thomas Makiel, Thomas Jamahli and Henry Walter)

If I got locked away
And we lost it all today
Tell me honestly, would you still love me the same?
If I showed you my flaws
If I couldn’t be strong
Tell me honestly, would you still love me the same?

Right about now…
If a judge for life me, would you stay by my side?
Or is you gonna say goodbye?
Can you tell me right now?
If I couldn’t buy you the fancy things in life
Shawty, would it be alright?
Come on show me that you are down1

Now tell me would you really ride for me?
Baby tell me would you die for me?
Would you spend your whole life with me?
Would you be there to always hold me down?
Tell me would you really cry for me?
Baby don’t lie to me
If I didn’t have anything
I wanna know would you stick around?

If I got locked away
And we lost it all today
Tell me honestly, would you still love me the same?
If I showed you my flaws
If I couldn’t be strong
Tell me honestly, would you still love me the same?

Let’s get it diddly-dong-dong-dong-dang
All I want is somebody real who don’t need much
A girl I know that I can trust
To be here when money low
If I did not have nothing else to give but love
Would that even be enough?
Girl meh need fi know

Now tell me would you really ride for me?
Baby tell me would you die for me?
Would you spend your whole life with me?
Would you be there to always hold me down?
Tell me would you really cry for me?
Baby don’t lie to me
If I didn’t have anything
I wanna know would you stick around?

If I got locked away
And we lost it all today
Tell me honestly, would you still love me the same?
If I showed you my flaws
If I couldn’t be strong
Tell me honestly, would you still love me the same?

Tell me, tell me, would you want me?
Tell me, tell me, would you call me?
If you knew I wasn’t balling
‘Cause I need a girl who’s always by my side
Tell me, tell me, do you need me?
Tell me, tell me, do you love me?
Or is you just tryna play me?
‘Cause I need a girl to hold me down for life

If I got locked away
And we lost it all today
Tell me honestly would you still love me the same?
If I showed you my flaws
If I couldn’t be strong
Tell me honestly would you still love me the same?


source:
metrolyrics.com

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~ by DotedOn on February 5, 2016.

15 Responses to “528”

  1. Hope your weekend is a good one.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s okay to have a tough day, even better when you can laugh at yourself… “I’m shitting!” Songs help us all so much. Here’s a fav that helped get me through some shit 😉 It’s long, but good lyrics and powerful singing. “Knocked Me Out” by Linda Perry & Grace Slick. https://youtube.com/watch?v=AmQiS7H-d9M

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ahh, explaining to your children the need to have bodily functions without the 3rd degree is something I think they never get. But wait, you can pay them back when they get older. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. enjoy your most deserved weekend! You are a braveheart!

    “Will you stand and fight?!”

    “no! we will run. and we will live”

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You wrote: When I feel that something is not fair I kind of explode.

    Yes! That touched a nerve. Especially when the unfairness comes in the form of bullies. I have to struggle to contain myself when I encounter bullies.

    Liked by 1 person

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