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Mug shot Tuesday. “I rub my balls for good luck”. No, I don’t. I don’t have balls even though sometimes people think I’ve got a huge pair. Like my dad (not that he has a huge pair (but I can’t really tell), but because he thinks I’ve got balls. And being admired by my dad is a really nice feeling specially when you mostly see parents who are never happy about their kids’ decisions or choices.

Going back to the balls now. I don’t remember how I was inspired to write this post but it was very long ago. I kept all the tabs open on my browser waiting for the perfect day to write it. And then I got a sign.
I mentioned many times that I don’t mind doing laundry but the problem starts after all the clothes are folded and they have to be put away. That’s the part I hate with passion. Pairing socks and sorting underwear is hell. And very often I mistake my kids underwear and I put them in the wrong place and a couple of days later my oldest son is shouting to my second son: “Why the f#$k are you wearing my underwear?!” And the reply is: “I found it on my drawer” and the fight goes on and on until I say: “I’m sorry ok? This wouldn’t have happened if you helped me with the laundry and took care of your own underwear”.
Last week my oldest son asked me if I could wash his pants before his dad got home to pick him and I said “Only if I can wash them NOW”. So he took his pants off and put them in the washing machine. When he came back, I saw that he was wearing my 2nd son’s boxers and I said: “I’m pretty sure I didn’t put those boxers in your drawer because the only one who has boxers is your brother, so I can’t be wrong”.
He replied: “I had to wear these because he wore all mine and these were the only ones that fit”. Ugh.
At that moment my second son entered the kitchen and I heard my oldest son saying: “How the hell can you wear this thing? Every time I sat down, my dick went to my leg”.
I almost died laughing but I had to pretend I wasn’t listening because I really needed to hear the reply. But of course, nothing made much sense to me because I never experienced that kind of problem. I could only picture a decapitation.

So here it comes the question I bet all women in the world asked themselves and some had “the balls” to ask a man.
“Why do men do that?” And with that I mean, ‘adjust the package’ or as we say in my country, ‘scratch their balls’.

Let’s agree on something first. There are men who occasionally need do adjust (understandable) and there are men who seem to have their hands on the package ALL THE TIME (and that even other men think WTF!?).

Ok then, WHY do they do it?

I found several answers online. I liked these two.

And what I also found quite interesting was a Cosmopolitan article called: “13 problems men have with their balls”. I bet that makes an interesting read for women who are waiting at the salon while the dye is working.

I’m debating between mentioning the problems or digging deep and explain them.

1. Ball sweat. (No need to explain)
2. Ball stubble. (You can only understand this is you ever shaved a sensitive body part. It can burn as hell, right?)
3. They can sit on them. (Ouch!)
4. They change size.
5. They stick to their legs.
6. They’re different sizes. (So what? Well, maybe men care about that)
7. Getting kicked in the balls. (I bet that hurts but my question is: How painful that can be? I saw men rolling on the floor for several minutes and I thought: “Really!? That much?”
8. Testicular torsion. (Testicles can get tangled up inside the scrotum, cutting off circulation and causing intense pain).
9. They’re gross looking. (I copied/pasted this one: ‘You could take a tasteful black and white photo of a pair of balls laid out on a satin pillow in front of a sunset, and it’d still look like a close-up of an old man’s forehead. No one thinks balls are pretty’. I will add: No one??).
10. Blue balls are real (kind of). (Fluid buildup can cause discomfort. And the interesting fact here is: Men don’t need to have sex to get rid of the sensation. It can go away on its own… What can I say? I’m disappointed too).
11. They get tangled in boxers. (But, not all men wear boxers and they still adjust!!).
12. Sometimes men accidentally pee on them. (Hehehehehe. Use your imagination here, I’m sure it’ll be better than me explaining it).
13. They can touch the toilet water. (Just picture that!).

I also found that thing below pretty interesting. The Gentlemen’s Ballscratcher.

Just imagine walking on the street and instead of seeing a man using his hand to adjust, you see him very elegantly scratching his walls with that shiny stick… Classy!

Dear ladies, I hope this post gave you some answers.

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sources:
http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/01/why-do-men-do-that/
http://www.girlsaskguys.com/other/q869991-why-do-guys-ajust-their-pants
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a5986/problems-men-have-with-balls/

~ by DotedOn on March 15, 2016.