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Wednesday. A couple of days ago I wrote about people who love you and hurt you even though they know they are hurting you.
I wasn’t only talking about romantic relationships.
Last week I decided to celebrate my birthday with my kids. It was a last minute decision. I baked a cake and in order to have it ready before their dad picked them up, I had to put the cake to cool in the freezer.
After dinner I took the cake to the table and my youngest son touched the frosting so he could lick his finger and eat it. I said: “Don’t do that!”. Two seconds later, my daughter did the same. I kind of lost my patience. When I saw my oldest son doing it, after I had said twice DON’T DO IT, I got pissed off and while I was shouting, my second son went on and did the same. I lost it and I’m not sure how I didn’t smashed the cake against the wall. What part of NO is not clear to them?

Move forward to yesterday. It was my oldest son 15th birthday. I got up quite early to bake a cake with the idea to have everything ready before he got back from school.
When it was time to take the cake off the form, it broke, so I spent some time patching it and trying to make it look nice.
I left the top part of the cake that was ok on the rack to keep cooling and the bottom part that I had just fixed, on the serving plate.
I needed to go to the supermarket to get cream to prepare the icing so I could cover the mess.
I asked my second son: “Could you please stay here in the kitchen guarding the cake? Please don’t let you younger brother go near it because we know what could happen… OK?”. “OK” “Can I trust you?” “Of course”.
So I left for a bit.
When I got back, I found the top part of the cake all scratched and full of holes. I got mad and started shouting. I was hyperventilating. It had take me quite a lot of time fixing the bottom part and now I was going to be doing the same with the top and I really didn’t have much time before my oldest son got home.
I was shaking but that was nothing, when I moved the pan to see the bottom part of the cake that was on the serving plate, I saw that 5/8 of it were missing. I’m not talking about the little turd taking a piece of it, it was more than half fu#$ing cake missing.
I lost it badly. I was already shaking and then I started having pain in my chest and problems to breath but I was MAD and shouting at my four youngest kids how the hell could that happen? That there was no way the little one could have made that alone. That it was a total lack of love and respect for me who had spent the whole freaking morning working so we could celebrate a nice birthday.
And I kept shouting and going on and on until the pain in the back of my head was hard to stand and I started seeing all blurry. (I believe I burned some brain cells).

NO is NO. Stop means stop. Don’t do it means don’t do it.
I felt like the entire universe was against me and I didn’t have anyone to hold me or calm me down.

I spent about half an hour cutting and pasting pieces of cake to make it look round. The cake that was supposed to be at least two inches tall, it ended up being a tall pancake.
When my oldest son got home, I looked at him and I said: “I’m sorry if your birthday is ruined”, and then I started to cry.

I had a talk with my kids last night and I explained them the problem. I’m not sure if they understood but what it was clear is that none of the 4 youngest is going to get a birthday cake this year.
I really don’t know what to do. All this situation is very frustrating and also triggers a lot of bad memories.

One day, I was talking with my ex and I said that he didn’t care about what I said or how I felt. That when I begged him to stop doing something because he was hurting me, he wouldn’t stop.
Now be ready to know his answer:

He: “That was totally YOUR fault. You were never clear enough. You should have been harder on me, like stop talking to me to make me realize that I was truly hurting you”
Me: “Wasn’t enough for you when I said: PLEASE STOP?”
He: “Apparently not”
Me: “Now you know why I left you”.

I have no idea how I have to teach my kids that NO means NO.


~ by DotedOn on March 16, 2016.

18 Responses to “568”

  1. Reblogged this on SURVIVORS BLOG HERE.


  2. I’m sure it’s difficult being alone to raise 5 kids. Sorry this happened but it did and there’s not much you can do but move on and hope it doesn’t happen again. I’m sure your kids are sad they upset you.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. One way is being sure you STICK to not making them birthday cakes. Don’t change that decision. If you do, they will never learn or take you seriously and it’s the same with anything else of that nature.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Don’t worry to much honey ((hugs)) I have no idea what it’s like bringing up 5 children but you seem to be doing a pretty good job xx

    ( πŸ˜€ I guess all you ‘could’ say is they liked the cake)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Btw it always seems Marissa has excellent advice so keep posting and she and the other ladies will help you, they’ll be sad they upset you so much so what you could do is have another birthday cake for the next child’s birthday and see if they learnt what they did wrong and realised they’d upset you.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Twin
    You are stressed and anxiety is high. Seeing a Therapist could help you understand why your yelling at kids. It’s not healthy. Many will do Skype after meeting.
    All five have to carry a load around the house, each have assigned task, no allowing them to talk you out of. Give them limited internet and television. When they behave like kids on crack, start taking privileges away for a week. Parenting is hard work, you’re stress, you are hyper, expect people to do what you say when you don’t take action. Start taking the favorite ( whatever) away. If you don’t follow thru they will continue. Parents are not the kids favorite friend, you’re a parent.
    This is a great time to talk face to face with ex and discuss behavior at his place. Let him know your plan and ask for support.
    It’s possible some of the kids have anxiety and that is causing some issues.
    I’m glad God looked way out and had other things in mind.
    You’re strong enough to handle the kids, there’s no option. Tell them you’re changing house rules. Never go back on your word.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Corporal punishment! πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

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