604

604

Thursday. I met Sue playing WWF a couple of days after my youngest son was born (over 3.5 years ago). She’s an Australian nurse in her mid 50’s and she has 7 children. We’ve been good friends since then.
She was the first person to know I was considering leaving my ex. I tried to explain to her why I wanted that. She tried to make me reconsider and asked me to really think things through.
The truth was that the love was gone and I was tired of being my ex’s punching bag. He could blame me for everything. I was his doormat.
I tried to fight that for years and I even justified him. I tolerated him shouting at me and calling me names in front of my kids and in the middle of the street. I didn’t give a crap that the people around didn’t understand the language, I knew for sure that everyone could tell that he was mistreating me. And I was allowing that.
One day, a couple of weeks after my son was born and my parents were still visiting me, I had a fight with my ex. Both of us have Italian blood so our fights were always pretty loud. He’s crazy (in a less nicer way than me) and I can’t keep my mouth shut, so if you provoke me, there is no way I will stay silent.
So in the middle of the fight he chose to call me USELESS in front of my parents.
I froze. I cannot explain the shame I felt. I couldn’t look at my parents in the eyes. It was time to draw the line. Nobody will ever treat me that way again. EVER.
I went to my mom and I said: “That was the last time he called me useless”. I left him the day after my parents went back home.

I told Sue about it. She felt really sad for me and said she hoped I had made the right decision. I said that never before I was so sure of something.
The years passed. On January 2nd she said: “Happy New Year to you too. I’m sorry I didn’t replied earlier. Peter just left me”.
“WTF?!”
“Yes, we’ve been having trouble for years but we could always sort it out. This was a surprise to me too”.
“What are you going to do?”
“I’ll move out as soon as I can”

Holy f#$k. I really didn’t expect that. The only thing that could come to my mind was to say something like:

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F#$K HIM!

If someone doesn’t want to be with you anymore, there is not much to do about it. It is sad. You mourn a loss, you feel betrayed and most of all, you miss the hopes and dreams you had. Then it’s like you are starting a brand new life but you are still carrying a lot of memories that you are not sure where you have to store.
Every day feels like a new challenge.

Often I ask Sue how is she feeling, how’s her new house, how things are turning out.

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My mom told me that saying when one of my boyfriends left me. (“El que se va sin que lo echen, vuelve sin que lo llamen” The one who leaves without being asked, comes back without being called). She was freaking right. He came back. But then, it was too late. He said I should move on, so I did.

I don’t want to offend my male readers but I have a question for you: “Do you know what you want?”
I have the feeling that men only know what they want NOW. That they only make temporary life arrangements. Like: “I’m suffocating now, I can’t juggle all these balls. I better drop this ball because it’s burning”. And they drop the burning ball because it’s the easiest way out. It never occurred to them that maybe that ball was essential for the working of their life. It never crossed their mind to put on gloves, deal with the burning ball and discard any other ball that was meaningless to them.
They just fixed the problem for the time being. A temporary solution.

Now they sit in their living rooms and start experiencing the problems of that missing ball.

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Now what?

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~ by DotedOn on April 21, 2016.

17 Responses to “604”

  1. Reblogged this on SURVIVORS BLOG HERE.

    Like

  2. My mother used to tell me, when I was a kid and still trying to understand me, ‘they always come back’ and you know…they pretty much always did! Especially when you showed them you didn’t want them anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I can’t speak for all men, but my belief is that it all comes down to feelings and emotions. Men try to avoid them at all cost. Ever notice when you try to talk things out that are emotional that they immediately try to fix the problem. Women are good listeners. Men only want to hear enough about the problem so they can try and fix it.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. First… He’s crazy (in a less nicer way than me).. bwahaha.. that’s awesome. Second, that saying your mom said to you.. brilliant! Third, I am not most men, that being said, I tend to stick through with things long after I should. Married for 25 years, I can honestly say there are days I don’t like my wife, but every day I really, really try to love her (some days that’s easier than others). I know what I want, I’m just not always sure I will get that, and that is the part that sucks.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. so sorry your ex was so mean. he didnt deserve you. glad you made the decision to leave him. much love to you xo

    Liked by 1 person

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