626

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Friday. Life is fragile and sometimes, really short.
A couple of weeks ago my next door neighbor of my former house, died. It wasn’t a surprise. He was 89 and he was sick for a few years. Nobody thought he was going to live almost three more years.
Every couple of weeks I asked my ex: “How’s Wim?” “Not good. I had to drive him to the hospital a few times”.
Last time I asked he said: “I’m not sure if he qualifies as alive” and 45 minutes later when he got home, he sent me a message telling me he had just died.
I really wanted to go and hug his wife but I didn’t have the chance to do it so I did what everyone does here. I wrote a condolences’ card.
It took me about one week to have the courage to do it and I had to ask for help to write it in Dutch. I hate those cards. I hope I never get one.
What do you say to someone who just lost half of themselves? There are no words. But still, I needed to write something. And I hated it. And I hate even more if I made her cry and I wasn’t there to hug her.

Yesterday I found out that my friend Wendy, the one who was battling ovarian cancer, passed on Monday. She was 48. It was unexpected but we all knew it was going to happen. She was told she had one month left on February.

It was unexpected because she was too young and full of life and passion. We were pretty much alike.
I never met her in person. We met playing a game and became really good friends. This is hard to believe but we didn’t need to write some things on the chat and we could understand each other very well.
We used to laugh a lot and spend hours on the phone. She loved to hear me laughing and all the time she said: “You are crazy!!”
Last time I talked to her she said crying: “I’m going to die”. I could vomit at that moment. I had a knot in my throat. I could only say: “We are all going to die and I hate with all my heart that you may die before we all want you to go”.
The conversation ended with both of us laughing and that’s the last memory I have of her.
She used to tell me:

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That’s one of the best compliments I got in my life.

And IT’S FRIDAY, I’M IN LOVE and I hate to say this but the show must go on. I’m sure she wants me to remember her with a smile and no tears.
I chose this song even before knowing about Wendy.
A few days ago I remembered what my godmother told me when I visited her in Argentina. “I’m happy the entire day, keep busy, go to yoga, play with the grandkids, cook and clean. But when the evening comes and the door doesn’t open and I don’t see my husband coming in, I get all sad and want to cry. I really miss him”.
I’m not a widow but I get that. I used to have the peak of my day just before 7pm and when things suddenly changed, I felt completely lost. And I miss that. My heart misses that. Some of my days are just flatlined.

The lyrics of this song is how I feel after every goodbye, even if it’s a temporary one. I must be crazy but I always fear the worst. Will I see you again? When? Don’t do any stupid or risky thing. Please, come back.

WHEN YOU’RE GONE
(written by Avril Lavigne & Butch Walker)

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I’d
Need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I’m alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missin’ you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missin’, too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear
To always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you

I’ve never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missin’ you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missin’, too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear
To always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah, yeah
And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do, I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe; I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missin’ you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missin’, too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear
Will always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you

Wen, I’ll miss you.


source:

metrolyrics.com

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~ by DotedOn on May 13, 2016.

16 Responses to “626”

  1. Reblogged this on SURVIVORS BLOG HERE.

    Like

  2. laughter is the best medicine, remember all those moments and it will keep u healthy 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh, how sad that your friend was taken so soon. So sorry to hear.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Paola, I remember when you told us about Wendy’s cancer, but didn’t recall you saying “when” she might die. I’m so sorry for your loss and pain. Death is the enemy. Jesus Christ himself said it. It’s not God “calling us home.” Love and hugs to you, my friend oxoxox 😦

    Liked by 2 people

  5. “We are all going to die and I hate with all my heart that you may die before we all want you to go”.

    I can’t think of a more beautiful statement someone could make to someone who’s dying.

    Liked by 5 people

  6. Agreed 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m so sorry to hear this, Paola. This was a lovely tribute for your friend.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. This is a topic close to my heart and you handled it so eloquently. Having had to say goodbye to too many people before I (let alone them) was ready for them to go sucks.

    Liked by 1 person

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