683

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Saturday. According to my ex I’m still full of crap and I have to let go of some things so I can move on.
I realized that every time I write about something, I put it on paper (computer) and then it’s out of my system and I can (kind of) move on.
So here it goes something I promised to write over two years ago. Something that altered the way things were. And that is, how I met his mother.

It was December 1998 and we were together since March. I was following Dutch lessons and on one of the Saturdays, we had planned the graduation/farewell party. His mother was in Holland visiting her sister and she wanted to meet me. I said to my ex: “Ask her to come on Sunday because I can’t miss my graduation party”.
“OK”.
So he called and talk to her for hours and told her exactly what I had said. Then they hung up and I asked: “At what time is she coming?”
“She’s coming on Saturday because someone is driving her till somewhere and then she’ll take the train to get here”
“Did you explain that I wasn’t going to be at home?”
“Yes, I did, but she said that she didn’t want to pay the full train ticket so she rather came one day earlier and use the lift”.
“Is it going to be a problem?”
“I hope not, I already told her”.

So I went to the party and we went dancing and drinking. At the time, my alcohol tolerance was VERY low so I was quite tipsy after a beer and a glass of GlΓΌhwein (beverage usually made with red wine and spices. It is served hot or warm and may be alcoholic or non-alcoholic). Mine was alcoholic, of course.
I got home very late, about 3am, all happy and smiling. I’m sure she heard me get in because our flat was 36 square meters/118 square ft and her bed was in the living room where the entrance was. I don’t think I woke her, I think she stayed awake to see when I got home.
The first thing I did was to take a shower because at the time smoking wasn’t prohibited everywhere. Then I went to bed and I had sex with my guy.
Next morning (about 4 hours after I got home), she came into our room without knocking the door. I was f#$king shocked and looked at him like asking: “WTF is she doing?”
Then I can’t remember if we had to get up immediately or not but for some reason the mother and I started fighting.
I don’t remember what I said exactly but according to my ex I replied in a not so nice way… To quote him: “Like you do… You know, when someone says to you something that you don’t like”.

I remember she saying: “It’s not that I come to visit every day. You could have stayed here because you knew I was coming”.
“Eh??” I looked at him and asked: “Is she f#$king kidding me? She knew I wasn’t going to be here and she wanted to come anyway!”
But he didn’t say a thing, he just stood there and looked how we continued fighting…
You have to know that if you make me mad (which doesn’t happen so easily unless you are one of my kids or my ex), I tend to raise my voice a few decibels… And if you keep attacking me and saying things that are not fair, I will probably defend myself and fight back. And I won’t be soft, I will aim to destroy. So of course, I made her cry and told her things like:
-How the f#$k do you dare to shout at me in my house?
-How you dare to enter in my room without knocking?
-How you dare coming to my house uninvited?
And then I looked at him and said: “All this because she wanted to save a couple of bucks??? Unbelievable!! And please, say something!!”
I was really expecting him to take my side. He didn’t do it. He just stayed there and didn’t say a thing.

After the mother left, we had a HUGE fight and after that fight, every time we had a fight, everything went back to that day.

Yesterday, I was on the phone with him and all this came back (again!). He said that he told the story to a lot of people because he needed to get it off his chest. So I asked: “What did they say? Who was right?”
“I can’t tell because I never told them the whole story. I always omitted the part where we had sex”
“I see… Did you tell the part where she came to our bedroom without knocking?”
“…….. I had forgotten about that”
“Then go and tell the story again so you can tell me exactly what people think”
“No. You tell me honestly. What would you think if someone has sex while you are in the other room?”
“I would think: ‘Nice! they are young, let them have fun'”
“Right, that’s very convenient”
“WTF do you want me to say?? She didn’t knock on our door so she wasn’t so horrified, otherwise she would have been scared of catching us doing something… Or maybe that’s what she wanted!”
“You are still full of crap… Let go. It’s time. That happened long ago”.
“Ok, I’ll try… But there is something that you have to know: You should have taken MY SIDE!”.

Now you know the story. Feel free to tell me your opinion.

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~ by DotedOn on July 9, 2016.

25 Responses to “683”

  1. I think it’s a silly thing to fight about after so many years.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are right, Marissa!
      It’s just I still can’t understand how he chose not to be on my side. If he could see the future then, trust me, he would go back and change things!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I totally get this. There are so many things at play here!

    First I have to say that I hope you were really quiet having sex considering she was right there. If not, then I’d say you were both being inconsiderate and I know if it were me, I’d be really embarrassed for me and my partner and whoever heard us (still, at this point in my life), especially my parents or son and daughter-in-law. If you weren’t quiet, though it could create awkwardness, it still doesn’t justify ALL the other things that happened.

    She was wrong for not knocking. She was wrong for expecting you to change your plans when she was already told about them. Spending an extra day with her son alone was a bad thing? And him not saying anything was wrong, but I think I can say the reason he didn’t and chances are, I’m right because I experienced this type of mother/son relationship personally.

    My ex and I were the first ones of our siblings to get married so I was the lucky one who had to pave the way for everyone else in his family as far as in-laws. His mother was extremely self-centered in respect to her wanting her kids to kiss her “I’m your mother” butt and bend backwards, always to satisfy her and her entire family. (I’m figuring your ex-mother-in-law was this type.) On one of the Mother’s Days she expected all four of her kids to spend the day with her. Their spouses mothers didn’t matter. Whether or not he and I visited MY mother didn’t even come into the picture. This was the first time I actually verbally FOUGHT with his mother. He didn’t get involved.

    A few years later, right after I had my son, there was a blow up over some ridiculous stuff that I wasn’t going to stand for so I wrote a 5-page letter. I said everything I had to, but didn’t tell my ex (well, we were still married) until after I sent it. All he said was, “You shouldn’t have done it.” He was calm and serious and basically said what a Pandora’s box I opened. And it wasn’t that he disagreed with my side of things. He just wasn’t going to get into it with his mother. He was always the type to avoid, and I guess emotionally he didn’t want to get into shit like that with his mother, though as his wife, especially since he knew I was right, he should’ve stood by me in this way. Trust me, other things went down in our relationship that sucked any romantic love out of me and we ended up divorced. We were only at odds for about a year during our “getting divorced” period, but that was it. We had a son together and it wasn’t like he did anything horrible like cheating on me or anything. We just weren’t compatible and I fell out of love in that way. I still love and care about him and we are great friends now and his wife is literally one of my dearest friends. All is well, and in time, after I helped break down some of those walls, he and his siblings were easier to put their mother in her place with certain things. All worked out well, but back then when we were young and things were different, he didn’t have the guts to face his mother directly.

    What’s so sad is that this was the first time you met her so there was no bouncing back from that. I had already known my mother-in-law for a good 4 or 5 years when I finally fought with her. Our relationship other than that type stuff was fine. It was always the “bend over backwards” stuff that I had no tolerance for, especially since I’m probably the most fair-minded person you could meet. It sucks that relationships can be so complicated 😦

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think writersideup is pretty much right about everything – wise words. I would have stood up for myself but not yelled at her, certainly not if this is our first time meeting. And I do expect my partner to stick up for me. That’s important. You need to be on the same page.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Thank you, Jay!
        Our men should ALWAYS stick up for us!
        You know the sad part, I had to apologize to her because of him and you know what happened next? She kept doing it! She kept invading us. What my ex didn’t understand was that I was getting f#$king tired of it… Until I said: enough!! πŸ™‚
        I didn’t mean to yell but letting her attack me and watching the sucker do nothing made me really MAD! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your comment, Donna!
      We were SUPER silent. We lived in a students flat with walls made of cardboard. We were ALWAYS quiet. First because of that and later because of the kids πŸ™‚
      That day everything changed. My ex allowed his mother to invade us and that’s what she did till I ended the relationship. She made us change our plans many times. As soon as she knew we were going somewhere on a trip, she flew from Italy, called and used that same line: “It’s not that I visit so often, you can always go to ….”. The fact that my ex agreed on changing the plans every time, really killed me. I told him so but he didn’t mind. He thought that I would never leave. I just couldn’t be with a man who didn’t respect my wishes because for me that meant that he didn’t respect me.
      And if you want to know, the witch is still holding the threads. I feel so sorry for my ex. I told him the other day: “I’m sorry you were so unlucky with the set of parents you got”… It just slipped out πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

      • Jay, wise words, too! You do need to be on the same page, at least as far as when you stand by each other. I don’t agree, though, that they should ALways stand by their woman because sometimes their woman can be wrong (not by the mother’s opinion, but objectively), and if she’s wrong should be told so. The problem is the times when they SHOULD and they don’t 😦

        Yes, he was very unlucky 😦 So was my boyfriend and he was adopted. Constant selfishness ruining people’s lives 😦

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I think the mistake here was involving him in something that was between you and the mother. It happens a lot, my wife does it but the fact is you were both adults and he shouldn’t have a part to play in an argument that didn’t involve him.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s what he says too. But the problem was also his. He should have told his mother: COME ON SUNDAY. PERIOD. He didn’t.
      I expected him to tell his mother that he was in my team. He didn’t do that either.
      In the end that costed him the relationship. His mother kept invading us and I couldn’t tolerate that for too long.
      Don’t get mad at your wife for doing that, we want our men to stick up for us πŸ™‚

      Like

      • He should have told her to wait but my point is that you are a strong person and relationships require directness not a middleman. He should also have chosen your team but you shouldn’t require a public declaration of commitment. Just giving my perspective here, the relationship sounded toxic at some level anyway so I’m guessing you are better off πŸ’ here is a monkey. Why does Wp have monkey emoticons?

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hahahaha, I didn’t even know they had emoticons πŸ˜€
        It made me sad that he stood there quiet (and after that he unloaded all the crap on me. If he wanted to stay out and be objective, he should have called his mother and gave her some crap too).
        I just wrote what happened after that day in case you want to know. Your previous comment was what inspired me to do it πŸ™‚

        The relationship was excellent until that day and horribly toxic after that.
        I didn’t need a middleman, I just couldn’t believe how he left his woman being attacked that way without saying a f#$king thing. I defended myself for nothing because in the end I had to apologize without even being wrong!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Those are the worst fights. I apologize sometimes to just be done with whatever but I know it is not good. Glad I inspired the post! If it helps, he sounds like a waffley twatbag who needs to learn to talk back to his mommy.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I could kiss you right now!
        Thank you πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I take your side. But you already know that.
    His mum is a horrible person, who did much worse things than that. And your ex … ok, you know what I think about him. He brings out the worst of you, I canΒ΄t imagine how is possible for him to do that because you are a VERY NICE person. I can say it because I actually know both of you.
    THE ONE is on his way, you just have to relax and wait.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Gracias Pia! πŸ™‚
      Yes, she’s horrible. The kind of person who makes everyone believe that she’s nice and makes you feel like you are crazy.
      It took me over 14 years to make my mother understand that I wasn’t overreacting πŸ™‚

      Like

  5. I hope you feel better now that you got that out! My ex had an unhealthy, enmeshed relationship with his mother. She use to tell me when I should have sex with her son…I found that a bit sickening. It sounds like this person did not show respect for you from the very beginning, insisting on coming at a time when you had other plans.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Wow Paola I’ve missed your life experiences I CAN see how putting them on ‘paper’ helps to work out what actually happened, what happened is both hilarious and very very sad. I’ve read enough Posts to know what was about to happen but she was wrong and you were right, but I guess it’s difficult for a guy to choose between his lover and his mother, but you were right and he should have put her in her place. I’ve read ladies before write of their tyrant mother’s and perhaps things could be different if they’d had the ‘bottle’ to put them right years and years ago, tell them who’s boss, tell them to like the way things are or leave their lives……… for me not so difficult because I have a great mum.

    πŸ˜€ but first ever visit IS hilariously funny, what a start! As for the sex, she would have heard, when I was sick with epilepsy many years ago, I sold my house and lived at mum’s for a while before I could sort myself out, I’m ok now just lol a bit lonely ahhhhh, oh yes noisy next door sex!!! I was living at home and so was my brother after finishng at Uni.

    Well cut a long story I used to hear a lot of noise and giggling time to time from his bedroom, BUT I wasn’t annoyed lol just envious, she was gorgeous, head strong like you, they both were that’s why they seperated young, anyways at 18 she was very innocent child like but absolutely gorgeous, she wore see through white blouses for waitressing with cute white bras underneath, wow, but of course nothing happened except I’d time to time picture her whilst masturbating in bed. Was that so wrong?

    I met her last year, bumped into her outside a local shopping centre with her youngest son, again she’s a gorgeous 40 year old, tall slender pretty and still very sweet, we exchanged pleasantries “how’s your mum? etc, BUT it wouldn’t have worked with my brother, they’d be divorced by now.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Andrew!
      I understand it must be difficult to choose between the mother and the lover but if a man has a little bit of brain, he should choose the lover HAHAHAHAHA… Because what’s the idea? Go back to live with mom? πŸ˜€
      That woman is 90% the cause of my broken relationship (if not 100% because I could say that she raised him so she’s to blame πŸ˜€ ).
      My mom is great too! Maybe that’s why all the situation was so hard to comprehend for me. πŸ™‚
      (And we were super quiet having sex πŸ™‚ )

      Like

  7. This’ll make you laugh Paola, yesterday I had one visitor to my blog from the UK and they read 76 Posts!!! LOL someone has sat down and read most of my vlog, unbelievable, not showing off mind, wonder what interested them so much? Hookers? Cooking?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Andrew, your blog is very nice! You are honest and write from the heart. Don’t be so surprised if someone wants to know more and more πŸ™‚
      And it’s nice that you can write about hookers, cooking, your job or your grandparents. Not boring at all! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Your ex husband’s a jackass and his mommy’s a c_nt.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Ohh..oh… so many things to say… yeah, he screwed up. Mama’s boy. And if my kids knew I was home and their spouse chose to have sex with them while I was so close… two things come to mind. Please, don’t be loud because I’m glad for you but you know, decorum. And two, totally expect me to pay you back for that, because, yeah, that’s something I am totally going to make awkward… ok, so I might be totally different than a lot of people.

    Liked by 1 person

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