684

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Sunday. It’s kind of warm today (with chances of rain, of course). I wanted to just sit in front of the computer for a few minutes, write something real quick and then go and enjoy the dry weather for a bit.
My plans kind of changed. I sat down and decided to answer the comments from yesterday’s post. First of all, thank you for writing your opinion.
My idea was to write about that day and move on but that won’t happen just yet. I feel I need to say something more about that subject and maybe after that, I can finally move on.

Let me tell you what happened after that day. You only know that my ex and I had a huge fight and that after that, every fight was like a continuation of that one.

What I didn’t say was that I had to apologize to the woman. I did that because my ex asked me to do it.
I shouldn’t have done that. I should have done what my grandfather always said. We never knew if he meant it that way or if it was a joke.
He used to say: “Never forgive a person for something they did to you because if you do, they will do it again”.
Now I feel like crying because I’d love to say that he was wrong. But he wasn’t.
My ex’s mother kept invading us. When she knew we had planned a trip somewhere, he flew from Italy just when we wanted to go and always said the same thing: “It’s not that I visit so often, you can go to that place another time”.
I can’t believe how my ex accepted to change OUR plans for her. We always had a fight and he ended the fight with something like: “If you want to go, then you’ll have to drive there because I’m not doing it”.

I tolerated that crap for many years. I tolerated her opening my closets and looking through my stuff. I tolerated her listening behind the doors. I tolerated her crying and playing victim every time so she could get her way.

One day I clicked. One day someone who didn’t really know me made me feel that I was funny and smart and pretty.
“How is it possible that someone who doesn’t even know me can think all these nice things of me?”
You could say: “Because he wants to get in your pants”. That could have been the case, but no. At the time I was 5 months pregnant and he lived in another continent. He wasn’t going to get much more than me saying some dirty stuff to him.
In any case, he made me feel I deserved better. That thought stayed with me every second for the next 5 months.
I could write all the things that happened in those 5 months but as I said before, I want to enjoy the dry weather.
I will only tell you that every single thing he did, made me shake my head and ask myself: “WTF am I doing? Why am I still in this relationship?”

At the time, I blamed the hormones until one day a few weeks after my youngest son was born. My parents were there visiting and guess why we were fighting? His mother, of course!!

“Did you call my mom?”
“No, I will do it when we get back otherwise it will be too late”.
“No, we are not going if you don’t call”
“No, I won’t call now because she’ll ask me EVERYTHING and the stores will close. Also the kids have to eat and if we don’t go now, I’ll have to breast feed somewhere. Come on! It’s getting dark”.
“Then, call now”
“No, you call. If you want to talk, you call. It’s your mom”
“If you don’t call, we are not going”
“Please, I’ll be on the phone for hours and then she’ll want to talk to you and ask you EVERYTHING again, just to see if I told her the truth… And later she’ll want to talk with the kids, just to be sure that we didn’t lie to her”.
“If you don’t call, I’m not driving you to town”
“Come on, I’ll call LATER, let’s go now”.
“If you want to go now, you’ll have to take the bus. It wouldn’t be that way if you could drive but you are USELESS and don’t even have a driver’s license”.

So we took the bus. My parents, my kids and me. I was so ashamed they had witnessed that, that I couldn’t even look at them in the eyes.
At one point I stood up, went to my mom and said: “That was the last time he called me USELESS”.
I left him a couple of days later.

It’s hard to say if things were going to be different or not if he had sticked up for me the day I met his mother. I believe so. I’m sure things would have been different. But, who knows?

I’m free now. I can’t say the same about my ex. His mother is still holding the threads. He allowed her to do it then and now he doesn’t know what to do to revert the situation.
And listen to this! She got breast cancer and now she’s using her disease to mess with his head. How do I know? Because I asked him and he said:
“Of course she is!”

I’m truly sorry for him.

I have a question: Do we get what we deserve?

And one more thing, we were always quiet while having sex. Thin walls first, kids later. That makes me want to scream now.

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~ by DotedOn on July 10, 2016.

8 Responses to “684”

  1. This makes me so sad because, unfortunately, this is a relatively common situation where the mothers create this in their children, but especially sons. They are VERY sick, selfish people. They don’t have children to bring life into the world to live it, but they have children because what they want to do is raise “human pets” that will “love and adore them and put them FIRST like a god.” My boyfriend’s mother is this way, only I helped him see what she was doing. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t still have certain powers over him emotionally (the guilt), but she doesn’t have what she used to have—a human pet.

    I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the picture book “I Love You Forever,” but I hate this book SO much, I can’t describe how much I hate it! It depicts a mother raising her son till he’s grown, then as an adult he’s sleeping in his own house in a single bed and the mother climbs up a ladder (this makes me sick) into his bedroom and cradles this adult man in her lap, rocking him like a baby, then it ends with him rocking his mother in his lap. This is so vomit-worthy, yet it’s one of the biggest sellers! This is an indication of how many mothers think this is good!!!

    I raised my son so differently and he became a man who loves his wife completely and stands by her when he believes she’s right. This makes me happy and proud. And I feel bad for your ex because it sounds like he finally sees what she does, only it’s too late. She’s a sick, selfish bitch and ruined lives in the process—not that she cares!

    Liked by 1 person

    • My ex never stood by my side. If I said “white” he said “black”, it didn’t matter if he was wrong, he just picked the opposite of what I wanted.
      And exactly as you said, he realized (or admitted) how his mother was, when it was too late.

      I’m glad I don’t know that book! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I made the mistake in my own marriage of accepting bullshit from my inlaws early on, counting on the idea that we had the rest of our lives to make it better. But no. I learnt the hard way that you have to nip these things in the bud from the start.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m sorry you can relate, Matt! 🙂
      Very long ago my cousin, who later got divorced, told me: “If I knew my in laws, I wouldn’t have get married”. I laughed and told her she was crazy… But Oh, Man she was so f#$king right!
      I never got married but I would have run away! 😀

      Like

  3. OH BOY!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Do we get what we deserve? I don’t think so. That would be fair, and if anything life has taught me it’s this one thing, “Life isn’t fair.” Sad, but I believe accurate.

    Liked by 1 person

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