Sunday. I sat down with the idea of writing about an article I read yesterday but I got distracted by an e-mail a friend (Glory) just sent to me.
She’s in her mid 60’s, a widow and I should add, a VERY slow learner.

Many years ago, she met a man (Art) in quite unusual circumstances. She was married to an abusive man and had 3 young children. One night the husband beat her really bad, she escaped to a motel and met Art, who, as she told me once, saved her life. That was about 45 years ago.
This man, Art, has been on and off her life since then.

I met Glory playing an online game almost 4 years ago. In these past years she mentioned Art several times. Every time she says something like: “And this time I think Art is willing to commit”.
Some weeks after that, she tells me something like things didn’t work out with Art because he hadn’t changed a bit.

A few weeks ago she sent me an email telling me that Art was back in her life. I didn’t want to reply right away so I waited until her birthday and tried not to mention a thing about Art.
About 15 minutes ago I got an email… And I’d swear I read this email 20 times before.

I feel a bit bad about posting it but I need to take this off my chest. I hope you understand it. As I hope you understand me.

My Dearest Paola,
I am afraid I have made a terrible mistake in bringing Art back into my home & my life & my home! He has not changed one bit since the last time I’ve tried to accept him for who he is and I AM Not Willing or able to be manipulated or used by him by him any longer! One would think I had learned this lesson before; after all the times he has done to this exact same thing to me before but I felt this time it truly may be different! I Was Wrong as usual, but in this endeavor I Hope & Pray I will have the Strength to just completely Cut Him Out of My Life Once & For All! I honestly believed him when he told me he was ready to make a Positive Try at making things work between US! It has all been a pack of lies and I think it took the fall my Mother had on the day before my birthday to help me Realize Once & For All that Art is NOT the Man God has For Me! Maybe I Am Destined to be Alone, (without a man) but One Way or Another, I Am Not Willing or Able or Going to be made to “Walk on Eggshells” in MY Own Home and put up with his Bullshit Lies, Double Standard, Asshole Behavior any longer! He May still drive me Asheville, (and I’m not sure about that either at this point) but so far as anything beyond that, I think I’ll be bringing him back to his Roach & Flea infested Horse Trailer in Texas as soon as we return from NC! I’d rather live alone and have Cyber Love Affairs with total Strangers than the way I’ve been living since he returned! Thanks for letting me sound off and I pray it hasn’t been coming a terrible time in your life! I know there are still some Good & Faithful Men in this world, but why they seem to be eluding 2 Amazing Women like is beyond me! So Sick of being lied to, and disrespected by this man & many others in the past year!
Love You My Friend,

I’m truly lost. I don’t know what else to say. Last year, among all the problems she had with Art, she met several men through Facebook who tried to trick her into send them money.
One time I called her and I think I was on the phone for 6 hours trying to tell her it was a scam.
The sad part was that she didn’t believe me at first and I fell awful because I was the one breaking her heart and her dreams.
I asked her to test the man asking him a few questions and see if I was wrong.
Of course I wasn’t wrong! Then she sent me an email thanking me.

You wouldn’t believe me if I tell you that after that man (who wasn’t the first one), a few more appeared and she believed them and almost fell for that crap again.

My friend Aaron told me long ago: “You don’t need someone like that in your life, she’s poisonous”. I think Aaron is right but I feel bad if I cut her off. And I really feel worse when she tells me about her problems because they are always the same problems. And you’d think she should have learned the lesson by now, right?

Sometimes, I’m a slow learner too. And that, terrifies me.


~ by DotedOn on September 25, 2016.

17 Responses to “761”

  1. They say it takes a woman 7 times before she leaves an abusive (toxic) relationship. It seems your friend may be part of this statistic. It is so hard to accept that some people are just truly mean spirited, and won’t change or ever even see or care about the trail of destruction they leave behind them everywhere! It is hard to move away from the mindset that we need to “help” and “fix” every tortured soul. Sometimes, just being there and listening is the best thing…and then letting it go-give it to God…you are a good person, Paula ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I have to comment on this blog, Paola. She is a poor soul who has not learned to put herself first. She continually attracts men who will use her. She probably tells them her history with men, and of course they are predators, so she is quite the prey they are looking for.
    She needs to love herself, and stop searching for love.
    F.L.Y. (First Love Yourself), and once you do that, LOVE finds you.

    A childhood friend of mine on Facebook, posted pictures of herself after being beaten by her new husband, and she has forgiven him and is going to “make her marriage work”.Those are her words, I swear!
    So you see there are many who DO NOT, love themselves enough to
    stop the the insanity and the behavior. And what is worse, they share their woes with the world and play the victim. I think it is so sad.

    Anyway, I can’t say it enough, F.L.Y.

    T XO

    Liked by 1 person

  3. A leopard never changes it’s spots!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I understand why you feel as you do, and, of course Aaron is right :-\ She is obviously very needy and gullible and at her age she’s that much more needy because time is running out and she wants a man. It really is dangerous hoping/waiting for the “perfect” guy because this is how you can end up if you’re always looking and hoping the next one might be the one, especially online 😦

    Maybe you can just say how sorry you are that this is happening to her over and over again and you wish you knew what to tell her, but you don’t know what else to say :-\

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Copy and paste! You save time! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  6. it sounds like one big mess and like she is dragging you into it and you are so caring that you cant say no! sometimes we need to just take a step back and look at the bigger picture. you’ve done all you can for her. i think it is time now that you looked after yourself. xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I read posts such as yours and I feel a little sad, for the lady yes, but also for myself, isn’t that rather selfish of me! You see I’ve read many posts written by women who talk about narcissistic violent nasty manipulative or cheating partners and lol I feel a little sorry for myself. You see I’m a nice man, I could not or would not strike another woman, or cheat her out of money, I couldn’t abuse a lady, yet I’m still single? :/ Like you Paola I have so much love to give a partner yet lol I’m alone. Ah well!

    I very thoughtful post, I enjoyed reading, my friend you did the right thing 🙂 x

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you, Andrew!
      I gave this advice to another blogger friend over one year ago: “Try to meet a single mother, give them a chance!”. I promise, you won’t be disappointed 🙂
      And if you wonder, he’s dating a single mom for over a year now 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • 🙂 I was feeling a little sorry for myself this afternoon, very silly! You may remember I had a picnic with a single mum with 2 teenage children, she’d had a partner who up and f#cked off and you are right, J was a lovely lady 🙂 she wasn’t playing games she knew exactly what she wanted from a relationship and she was lovely, BUT alas there was no electric spark between us, we emailed for a while as friends then lost touch. Single parents are possibly the most genuine people you’ll ever meet. Thank you 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Try again! 🙂
        We surely know what we want (and most of us don’t want any more drama because we had enough!) 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yes

        Liked by 1 person

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