784

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Tuesday. My oven is working again so now I can gain weight eating other stuff and not only junk food. Am I happy about it?
I just baked brownies to bring to the kids of the woman who had her 7th child two months ago. I had to try one just in case… They were good. Now I have to deal with the smell in the house, it makes me hungry. And I can’t show up with an empty plate.

Last Saturday there was nothing nice to watch on TV so I decided to read a bit. I remembered the article about the things you can do to pass the time while giving a blow job, so I decided to go straight to the Women’s Health Magazine website and see if I could find another amusing article. And of course I did!

The winner this time was: “10 Thoughts Every Woman Has When She Sees a New Penis”

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When I first read that title, I thought that when a woman sees a new penis, she immediately has 10 thoughts… But I was wrong. Apparently women have one of the following 10 thoughts.

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Was your face like the one of the girl on the picture above? I don’t remember ever a man flashing the merchandise to me like the guy on the picture, so I can’t relate to that surprised face.
And I’m trying to remember my thoughts to see if I could match them with any of the following thoughts, but I really can’t. I’m probably getting old. Or my introduction to “the thing” happened differently. Probably both.

Let’s continue with the 10 thoughts:

1. “Woah, I definitely should not have judged this guy on his height.”

Let’s see how to explain this. In my country women say that men follow the “Rule of The L”. So if you make an L with your index finger and your thumb, you can understand this. Put your thumb parallel to the floor and the index finger perpendicular to it. That means that a tall man has a short penis.
Now if you put the index finger parallel to the floor and the thumb perpendicular to it, it means that a short man has a “huge weapon”.
I have some doubts about that theory…

2. “Scoreβ€”he’s a manscaper!”

I had to look for the meaning of that and after I did, I couldn’t erase the picture in my mind.
According to urbandictionary.com: “Manscape: The removal of excess body hair via waxing, shaving, plucking.”
Please, let it be shaving. I pluck the hair of my legs and I couldn’t imagine a man plucking the hair down there…It should hurt as hell.
And what about waxing? If you really dislike your balls, just chop them off because if you wax them, the skin around them will go with the wax the moment you pull it off.
I’m in acute pain thinking about it and I don’t even have balls. (At least, not the ones that hang between the legs).
And I have to add, the author of the article apparently likes men without hair. I’m not sure I’d scream: “Score!”. There is a reason why men grow hair and that’s to differentiate them between boys. (Or at least, that’s MY opinion).

3. “Hmm, I’ve never seen that kind of curve before.”

That kind of curve? What kind of curve are we talking about? I’m not sure I’ll feel the same next time I eat a pretzel.

4. “It kind of looks like one of those wrinkly dogs.”

No further explanation needed, right? I’m only hoping the author mean the extra skin and not that the penis developed 4 extremities.

5. “It looks like he’s a shower, not a grower.”

I had to read this one fifteen times until I realized they didn’t mean the shower that’s in the bathroom but someone who shows.
So that means: “What you see is what you get”. Don’t expect to soak it in water and see it grow like those dinosaurs my kids have.

6. “Is that an ingrown hair, or…”

That could be a very unpleasant surprise. I don’t think it’d be nice to tell someone: “Get that thing check by a doctor first”.

7. “OMG, this might be a genuine micropenis!”

Is that a good discovery? Or a WTF discovery? How rare are those things?

8. “Would it be weird if I named it?”

Ok, how would you name it? And in what would your choice be inspired on? A Hollywood actor? An animal? A thing? Performance?
I don’t think I’d enjoy much if I were a guy and some girl named mine Speedy Gonzales.

9. “Where else has this been?”

Ugh… That’s the one thing you want to know but at the same time, you don’t want to know.

10. “Let’s test this baby out.”

That should be the only thing in your mind, right?

Dear readers, has any of the above mentioned thoughts ever crossed your mind?

If you want to read the original article, you can find it here.

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~ by DotedOn on October 18, 2016.

10 Responses to “784”

  1. Oh gosh, too funny! Back in the day, whenever I thought I was going to be intimate with a man, I never thought of how his penis would look until he actually took it out. Most were, you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all, but there were always a few that, well, stuck out…

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I totally agree a ‘man’s area’ without pubic hair looks creepy (note I haven’t seen one mind!!) and before sex I’ve always ‘trimmed’ mine which seems very caring πŸ˜€ I do prefer shaved vaginas though they’re nicer to lick, I’m NOT being coarse Paola they are prettier!

    The list made me laugh and I’d guess number 9 rings true.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t like a man to be bald down there, but it should be well-trimmed.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. OK, there are some things I won’t share on the internet, but I can tell you—this is not the way I think, generally speaking. My reaction would never be like that, regardless of what I was looking at, and I’ve never had a guy do that to me either lol I’ll only tell you I’ve never had to lie when complimenting the man I was with πŸ˜€

    Liked by 2 people

  5. lol paola where do you get these? oh wait, womens health, lol. seriously though funny shit here. laughing my ass off! xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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