Wednesday. Today is my 3rd son’s birthday and hopefully, the last cake-less birthday in my kid’s life. I can’t believe I kept my promise. I’m proud of myself and I feel miserable at the same time.
My youngest son woke me up at 4.30am and I couldn’t sleep anymore until it was time for my kids to go to school. Being awake in the middle of the night is never good because I start thinking and more often than not, the thoughts are not nice.

Do you know that feeling when someone you really like does something that’s totally against your values and you don’t know anymore how to feel about them?
I don’t want to name names so just think a bit about it. Remember that actor who you used to love and one day you see on the news that he’s done something horrible?
Or your favorite athlete and role model was actually using drugs all this time?

Do you feel betrayed?

And what about when the person is much closer to you?

Like when you discover that your friend is cheating on her husband?
Or the nice neighbor killed and bury 2 girls in his backyard?
Or your pastor is dating a 15 years old girl?
Or your brother’s business partner sells information to the competitors?

Do you feel betrayed? Do you feel like asking: Why did you do this to me?
Maybe none of them did anything to you personally but isn’t it horrible when you have to remove a person from the golden pedestal?

Maybe they never asked to be put on a pedestal, but still, don’t you feel bad when you have to change your mind about someone?
Even when it’s none of your business, don’t you feel like confronting that person and asking: “WTF is wrong with you?!?”
And you keep asking yourself: “What now? He/She didn’t do anything to me, so why am I so upset? Why do I feel like I want them out of my life?”

And what about when the “attack” is to you?

How do you feel when someone lies to you? Cheats on you? Betrays you?

Are they out of you life immediately or you let the person continue with the deceit over and over again?

That’s hard to answer but I guess we all have limits. How much does a person have to do to you until you say “enough”?
And why is it that the limit varies with each different person? Why do you tolerate so much from John but Paul drives you crazy in seconds?

Some things are hard to understand, at least for me. I can be rational, with A LOT of effort, and I can also be practical (that’s almost inhuman for me but sometimes, it happens).
Getting some ideas into my head is not easy and I know that whatever I need to know, I’ll only learn it when I’m ready.

But what happens when you are in the process of trying to find out how you feel about someone and one of your kids asks you:
“Mom, why you don’t like …. anymore? You used to like them so much a couple of days ago?”

And then you have to be VERY careful with your answer because you can’t influence them. They need to form their own opinions on people, right? Unless the person is a child’s molester, a killer or a really bad person, you can’t say: “I don’t want you to talk to them ever again” (because that person could be their father, cousin, aunt or whatever).

Today, I feel like that. Betrayed, disappointed and speechless.

Knocking down pedestals is not a nice feeling. Explaining why, it’s almost as bad.

~ by DotedOn on October 26, 2016.

26 Responses to “792”

  1. πŸ™‚ Paola as you know I don’t have children therefore I must be careful dishing out advice praise or criticism to people who do, but can I say you should feel very proud of yourself for sticking to the ‘no Birthday cake for all rule’ πŸ™‚ As I replied all those terrible months ago what seems a hard punishment at the time will often be fondly remembered as a perfectly reasonable lesson learnt in years to come. Your children will forget all about cakes and ‘why’ however they won’t forget you stuck to your word and your firmness has been rewarded and will be remembered.

    Now lol please go back to baking Birthday cakes πŸ™‚ and honey well done you.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I guess some people are more sensitive to people’s actions than others and some people can also be rotten so overlook other people being rotten more easily.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Kids can learn to adopt. our kids i know notice how i react to things and if they sense i feel guilty or bad about something they will react even if it is not the right thing. . But then when they react after my initial guilt, then i end up feeling even worse which is just a downward spiral.

    As far as the betrayal, that sounds like a terrible feeling. I have people knocked off my pedestal and I don’t like it, let alone having to navigate around kids. For one it does something bad to how I see the world so that I might have to change a lot of other things about how I see the world, it is not so easy to just ‘remove someone’ from a pedestal, cause there is always things attached to it, relating to all the important reasons why they were on the pedestal to begin with.

    My mother did have something like that happen, we had my uncle living with us which I liked him a lot. But she kicked him out because he did some things she did not like which i don’t think I got to fully hear about, but for one he bug bombed our house when we were gone, but he didn’t think to get her cats out of there first and they all died. and she cared a lot for them. So anyways she was trying to get me to understand why she didn’t like him, and I am sure she struggled with that cause all I knew, was he was a fun uncle that lived with us.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m going to be political, but I’ll try to keep it vague. When a candidate speaks out and directly hurts me in a very personal way. A way that may take away my liberties. Of course it hurts. What hurts more is when someone I care for tells me they will be voting for that individual. I’ll point out how detrimental it will be to me as a human being and I get a “Yeah, but…”

    I haven’t removed anyone from my life for this, but I’m seriously considering it.

    There have been other examples when people have hurt me both mentally and physically and unfortunately I have a history of hanging on longer than most intelligent people would. I finally decided years ago that I will never “need” someone in my life again. I may love them, I may want to be with them the rest of my life, but I still won’t “need” them. It’s worked out well for me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Why some things have to be so difficult! I also have a history of hanging on people longer than I should… I guess I let go when I’m ready (I wish I was ready sooner!!).
      And not needing someone is good. I should try that too! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Lots of introspective, philosophical discussion here lately, Paola! Not that I like the hurtful circumstances that are sparking the topics, but I always like meaningful conversation.

    I’m going to guess most (all) people have had this problem, with putting people “on a pedestal.” (Unless, of course, it’s someone like Donald Trump who’s only put himself on a pedestal.) Anyway, I digress…

    For me I’m going to say it’s not necessarily putting them on a pedestal so much as giving people credit for being so much better than they actually are. I think sometimes we can tell, right off, if a person isn’t all that wonderful, so when they say things that tick you off or rub you the wrong way, you react more quickly in a negative way ’cause you never thought of them as more in the first place.

    I think if we like someone right off, for whatever reasons, or we relate their entire character to certain things they seem to be good with, e.g., they can be thoughtful in many ways, we automatically think they are wonderful people in “every” way. And it can often take years before a circumstance comes up in which the true character of a person is revealed, either in reinforcing they are a good person at heart OR that their “goodness” is only superficial or very selective. When it takes years, we are that much more shocked or hurt when we can’t believe someone can say or do things that are so opposite of what we expected.

    The thing is, though, I know that for me, along the way there would be things that indicated a certain type personality when I would see that person say or do things that upset me or that were flat out wrong, but because of OUR relationship, never thought he/she would do that to me. I’ve been wrong every time. If someone can manipulate, lie, steal or anything else from someone (whether they do or don’t know them), they are capable of doing that to/with people they know and “love.”

    I can still like people easily, but I am much more cautious about giving them too much credit. I can count maybe a dozen people in my life I can truly count on and know they are good people because they’ve shown it to me in the ways that count—when it involves some form of sacrifice for my benefit, not theirs. Truly good people are so rare 😦

    And I’m thinking one way you can try to explain it to the kids, especially the younger ones might be in explaining how we all have many different kinds of friends. Some we can say “hi” to and chat a while. Some we might visit with occasionally and go out with for fun. Some we consider dear friends we can trust. And so on. And you could explain that sometimes we change what kinds of friends we are. We can go from being people who only say “hi,” to becoming trusted friends, and sometimes friends that are close can become friends we only say “hi” to. You don’t have to tell them details, but I think they would understand that you decided this person is someone you’d rather just say “hi” to than spend a lot of time with or talk to more than that. Don’t know if that helps?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Donna πŸ™‚ That’s a great idea!
      Changing the way we feel about people is not always easy, specially if those people are in the family. Sometimes, people also expect you to take sides, that sucks too!
      Why can’t we all get along!? πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  6. good questions but hard ones to answer. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You’re on a roll, Paola! I hope that phrase translates 😍. I hold people to very high standards, and it’s often really hard for me to let it go, when they do something that is against my morals. I take it very personally. I often wonder if this is a Pisces trait..or if it’s just me. I deeply value loyalty and honesty, and it takes a lot to gain my trust. If that trust is broken, it’s almost impossible for the friendship/relationship to be repaired. We are all flawed and we all make mistakes, but trust has to be earned.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I definitely feel disappointed when someone shows their true colours – in them but also in myself for having believed them or liked them in the first place. I can be very hard on myself for that.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I’m guilty, too, Paola :-\

    Liked by 1 person

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