793

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Thursday. I still can’t believe why some things affect me so much and why I can shake off other things immediately. And I’m not only talking about the big stuff. I’m also talking about the little tiny things.
Some weeks ago I was talking to one of my Wordfeud players. His name is Rob. The place where he works got an internal reorganization and he was assigned to work in another part of town that is very far away from his house and to get there he needs to use two different kinds of public transportation and also walk a quite long distance.
When I heard that, I felt bad for him because I remembered something that happened to me when I was going to college. I was studying interior decoration at the time.
It was the first day after the winter recess and I was on my way, perfectly on time like every other day for the previous 1.5 years.
For some reason, the bus I used to take to get to where I studied, cut the route and instead of taking me to the place I needed to go, it left me half way: “Hey you, girl on the back, get off!”
“But I’m not there yet!”
“Well, then take another bus to get there”
I was really confused and I asked the bus driver if I was on the right bus or not. He said I was but the company had decided to cut the route. I asked when and why I didn’t know anything about it.
It seems that the company had decided in the middle of the four weeks of winter recess to cut the route and that they had given a couple of weeks notice hanging a sign on all the buses.
Of course I missed the sign because I didn’t have to take that bus during the recess.

So I was “thrown” in the middle of town at 8.40am on a very cold day with my design map (a huge folder 70x50cm/2.3×1.6ft) with an assignment due that same day. That stupid assignment took me a very long time to finish and I was working until 4.30am in the morning. I was very sleepy and cold and there was no way I was going to be on time at 9am. I thought: “No problem, the first 2 hours I have another subject. I’ll be on time to deliver the assignment”.
I was very stressed. I found out which other bus took me to where I needed to go and I finally got there at 9.20am.
I entered the classroom and as I was saying: “I’m sorry to interrupt”, the asshole teacher in a really loud voice said: “YOU ARE LATE”. Like I didn’t know it already.
I felt miserable and I could have cried. I have no idea how I hold back the tears.
Then it was time to give the assignment. We waited for the other teacher. And waited some more and after a while the secretary got in the classroom and said the teacher wasn’t coming.
My stomach turned. My eyes filled with tears.
I collected my stuff, walk to the bus stop, took the first bus that went near to where I lived, got home, called my mom and said: “I’m quitting”.
My mom was speechless. There was nothing anyone could say or do that made me change my mind. I just had enough.

So I said to Rob I could understand how stressful the change of location could be. He replied he needed a lot of time to get there and to get back and that his days were already full with other activities. Then he said that when something stressful was in his way, he did something to take control of the situation. He just concentrated and said to himself: “I will not let this thing affect me”.

You have no idea how many times I’m trying not to let “this thing” or “that thing” or “that other thing” affect me but I rarely succeed.
Things affect me and I have little or not control over them.
I wish I have the clarity to say: “This is the last straw” and either end the torture, or not let the matter affect me anymore.
It’s exhausting.

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~ by DotedOn on October 27, 2016.

8 Responses to “793”

  1. I wish I could give you some advice here but I am too much like you! I would have cried too…and possibly quit. Sometimes, if things are making you miserable, that’s what you have to do.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I agree with Marissa. If things bother you, then do what you need to do in order to get them out of your life.

    Like

  3. I had to drop out of college twice. Mine weren’t transportation related. I kept having panic attacks whenever a major assignment was do. I felt defeated, but I’m glad I dropped. I needed it for my own health.

    Try and feel good about taking the right step and taking care of your needs.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. unfortunately, c’est la vie, that’s life. as much as I hate to admit that. things effect me too and like you, I wish I could magically make my thoughts stop and just say, fuck it, and be done! xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

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