801

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Friday. I don’t feel like writing much today. A while ago I almost got run over by a van and I’m still shaking. I have to be really thankful that the street was dry and I could stop just in time, inches away. My heart stopped and my son who was on the bike only said: “Wow”.
I think the driver got scared too but it was his fault. Not only I was coming from the right; he was leaving his driveway at high speed. He hit the break and then he smiled at me, one of those smiles that means relief. I smiled back probably because I was still alive.

Fear is an awful thing, it eats you. And I think there are different kinds of fear and not enough words for me to explain the difference.
I’m terrified of death. But that’s not the only thing I’m scared of.
I’m also afraid of pain and loneliness and depression and unhappiness and I think I’d do whatever it takes to avoid any of those because I know I cannot avoid death.

Are my fears real or are they only a product of my imagination? That’s so hard to answer.
I should not worry beforehand because doing so, I lack the capacity of enjoying today.
I keep telling that to everyone but I’m deaf to my own words.
As you can see, I know the theory pretty well but I just can’t apply it.

I think I just need to breathe and relax. It’s pointless to think what could have happened because nothing happened.

And IT’S FRIDAY, I’M IN LOVE! And among all the songs I know that relax me, this is one of the few that always gives me goosebumps. If I close my eyes while listening to it, I see a sunrise.
It could very well be that when I took the picture below, that song was in the background.

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The song is called: “The Emigrant”. That could easily be me. I didn’t know the name of the song until a while ago when I was looking for it. I always thought it had a different name.
Now I’m wondering if all emigrants have a song that transport them home. This is not mine because I never felt “at home” anywhere. There was always something missing. Still is.
Anyway, enjoy Jean Michel Jarre and I hope the song transports you to a very happy place.

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~ by DotedOn on November 4, 2016.

14 Responses to “801”

  1. Thank God and hopefully he’ll have learnt his lesson so you take care Paola, and no you are NOT different we all have many different fears, so many to mention, but there you are! Worrying about the unknown wasn’t a very nice of God’s was it……… if you believe in him, so don’t worry yourself we ALL have different fears but you just have to keep going 🙂 and I can tell by your emails that you are a positive happy lady….. don’t be so hard on yourself Paola ❤ x

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you, Andrew 🙂
      I’m very careful because I go with my son on the bike with me.
      I really hope he remembers to go slowly next time. He was lucky I’m kind of young (unlike 80% of the rest of the inhabitants of this town 🙂 )

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Your fears are real as far as what you feel, for sure, but as you know, spending your life worrying about them is a waste. Some worry is good ’cause it helps you be cautious and prepared, but constant worry helps no one. In fact, it hastens the very thing you’re afraid of—death 😦

    I fear death, too. I don’t want to leave this world (life is a precious gift) and the people I love who also need me. But the stress of the worry, even though it’s not my conscious thought, destroys my body. I’m seeing and living it more now than ever. It’s not easy to “let go and let God,” at least for me, but it’s so important.

    I, too, have had some close calls like that. It really shakes you up and it takes a bit to shake it off. I come away very grateful!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I used to ride my bike a lot and it can be pretty dangerous. I didn’t even wear a helmet back then! Oh well, almost doesn’t count!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Glad you’re okay. I just had a near miss on the highway so I’m jumpy on adrenaline too .

    Liked by 1 person

  5. i worry about all of those things too and fear them. we have similar fears. and i’m very glad you didnt get run over hugs you!

    Liked by 1 person

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