819

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Tuesday. DEADLINES. At one point or another, everybody had a deadline at least once. Sometimes I miss going to school to learn something new but the idea of dealing with deadlines, puts me off immediately. The anxiety is unbearable.
I have deadlines every time my kids have to go to their father. He comes here and expects to have 5 soldiers aligned and ready to board the car. That stresses me a lot. I need to have dinner ready at certain time, be sure that they all eat and don’t make a fuss and then have them all ready in front of the door.
Maybe once out of ten, I manage to do it. The other times, I have to endure his f#$king mood.
I must admit that lately, either my ex is exhausted and has no energy to fight, or he understood that these kids are not robots… If so, I bet he took a lot of time to understand that because he was a little robot as a child. One day I’ll tell that sad story.

Then you have TESTS. Oh man! Those really stressed me to the point of giving me the shits (no exception). It didn’t matter how prepared or unprepared I was, there was always at least, three trips to the bathroom before an exam.
If you are like me, you know how stressful deadlines and tests are.

Now imagine you have a deadline and a test at the same moment and that you are running out of time.
Not having enough time is stressing you very much. Because of that, your health starts failing. Also, the closer the deadline gets, the less secure you feel you can past the test. You are scared.

So you just added FEAR to the equation.

You try to be rational and think about the worse thing that could happen but you already know that the worst thing that could happen is not passing the test or meeting the deadline because that’s your last chance. F#$K.
You know you had many chances before and you blew them all.

Sure that thought it’s not helping you relax, concentrate or act. And very likely, you wish you could disappear…
But where would you go? You know that it doesn’t matter how good you hide, you’ll be found.
So to make matters worse, here comes REGRET to find you. Because Deadline, Test and Fear were not killing you already.

You start regretting missing all the other chances and wasting all that time.
You can’t believe how you could be so stupid. You knew all along that you were playing with fire. So why just now are you scared of getting burned?
Even a kid knows that once the bucket is full, no more water can get in.

How far can you stretch an elastic band before it breaks? And when it does, how many of the following things do you feel?
Pain. Stupidity. Regret.
What I believe you won’t feel at all, is surprise… You knew that could happen.

Why we always wait until the last minute to act?
I wish I could answer that question…
The good thing is, you still have that minute. You got your wake up call. Act NOW.

Otherwise next time you listen to Passenger’s “Let Her Go”, you’ll get the shits the same way I do before an exam.

Well, you only need the light when it’s burning low,
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow,
Only know you love her when you let her go.

Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go…
And you let her go.

Ugh… We always realized how important something was when we no longer have it.
Or as my friend Todd said once: “We always knew how important something was. We just didn’t think we would ever lose it”.

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~ by DotedOn on November 22, 2016.

10 Responses to “819”

  1. Yes, very true! Well, we can only do our best.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ah, the many things to ponder *sigh* Sometimes we don’t learn from our mistakes (as humans prove ALL the time), or we simply avoid making the decisions or making a move for fear of making the WRONG one. Life is very complex, and so many times it is the wisdom of hindsight that allows us to see our mistakes and procrastinations and fears for what they were 😦 Life simply isn’t that easy, and we need decisiveness, discipline and courage to even TRY to move forward when often times unforeseen circumstances can also upend us. It’s all easier said than done. Still, we “Keep on truckin’!” πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Life is VERY, VERY complex! πŸ™‚
      I think if I had a better support system I wouldn’t panic so easily πŸ˜€
      Now, everything seems difficult and I’m not afraid of failing. I’m sad that if I fail, nobody is there to help me get back in track πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      • Although I have a different living situation, everything in my own life is up to me and also have a lot of responsibility for a few others and being disabled, etc. with no money makes it extraordinarily stressful. If I didn’t care about so many people I’m sure it wouldn’t be as bad, but there’s constant worry, stress and guilt so I get it 😦

        Liked by 1 person

      • The constant worry is not healthy at all!! I understand that perfectly πŸ™‚ There is always something… Ugh πŸ™‚

        Like

  3. ug, yes! Hate tests, and deadlines! Good advice here paola. And I love let her go too. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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