Week 4

Week 4. I’m still trying to catch up and it seems impossible. I don’t know anymore what has the priority after my family. I wish I could split in four, maybe that way something gets done.

A couple of weeks ago my ex sent me a message saying he couldn’t take care of our kids until he felt better. He gave me two options: 1) I had to take care of them. 2) He was going to look for professional help.
OK. I know what kind of an asshole he can be and when he said professional help, he didn’t mean he was going to get a shrink, he meant some kind of social services.
I really don’t need someone coming to my house and telling me how I have to raise my kids.
I took that as a hidden threat but I didn’t let him know I was terrified so I accepted to take care of the kids for a while. I know they are my kids but having them ALL THE TIME instead of twice a week and every other weekend, it’s a lot.
I really miss those days alone enjoying the silence.
I’m afraid that my relationship will suffer from this.

Last week my ex called and he asked to talk to my husband because he said he couldn’t have a civil conversation with me. He said he needs to get better. I know that. I know that if he’s not well my kids are the ones suffering the consequences. But why he getting better has to mean that I get worse?

The other day I told him he had to take care of the kids because I had plans and he got mad and said that he wasn’t feeling well yet. So what? I have to change all my plans because he doesn’t feel well?
If he doesn’t feel well, he has to go to the doctor. Or ask his family to help him take care of the kids and the house. Not that they will help much, on the contrary, it’ll be like having even more obstacles.

I’m doing all I can. I’m very grateful of my sweet husband who’s being amazing in this situation, even though sometimes he feels like going for a long walk.

The rest is all ok. I’m counting the days until the summer holidays. Two more weeks.
The weather has been nice for a few days and now it’s rainy, cold and windy. It sucks. The weather forecast says it’ll rain the next 10 days. It looks like the nice weather was here while I had my period and that will come back when I have my period again. I hope I’m wrong. I need to be wrong.

My sister was operated a few days ago. She had several cysts in her ovaries. The doctor told her that the cause could be because she has endometriosis (when endometrial cells grow outside the uterus). That scared me too.
It’s not nice to have the ghosts of hereditary diseases chasing you. Like if it wasn’t enough having to deal with the hand you were dealt.

After I read this post, it seems that I’m sad and depressed. I’m not. I’m only a bit overwhelmed and mad at my ex.
Some things never change.

~ by DotedOn on June 6, 2017.