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Tuesday. It’s been years that I didn’t have so much energy. It has to be the sun.
For the first time since ’95 I have a tan. I will probably wrinkle this year what I didn’t wrinkle for the past 20 years. Never mind.
My ex came to pick the kids yesterday and he said:
“Wow, you sure have a lot of free time to get a tan”.
Deep breath. “Not exactly. I was working on the yard all these past days. If you didn’t know, those bushes there don’t grow with the round shape. They need trimming”
“I see…”
It seems that it wasn’t enough because he went on: “Can I see your coloring book?”
I’m very proud of my work. It’s taking forever. That below is about 8 hours of coloring and its not finished.

When I showed to him I said: “That took about seven hours”
“So you have free time”.
Deeper breath. “Actually, I did that while resting after working my ass off on the yard. But you can think whatever you please… And now that we are on the subject. Remember those nice pencils that you got once? I’d like to have them. These ones are not so good, you need to press really hard to color and then the soothing effect of coloring is gone”.
“Why should I want to give them to you?”
“Because the separation agreement says everything in the house is mine and the house is yours. And I know that you kept a few things and I never asked for them… But I may one day”.
“Ok, I’ll try to remember next time I come”.
“I know you will”.

And I have a dilemma. The school holidays this year start at the end of June. I don’t have enough money to take my kids anywhere so when my ex asked me what I was doing, I said: “We are staying home”.
So he said: “It would be really nice if we go together somewhere. I can’t go alone with all of them and I wouldn’t know who could come with me. We could go to Croatia or Spain or France”.
“I believe we talked about this 20 times”.
“I know, but it’s for the kids”
I was super pissed because he said all that in front of them. So now I’m the bad person who doesn’t want to take them anywhere. It’s not that I don’t want to, I don’t want to do it with him.
He can be nice for about one hour but after that, he’s again himself and I’m not compatible with him anymore.
One afternoon to the lake with him 50 feet away, it’s ok. Fifteen hours car drive is a lot. One week under the same roof, it’s way too much.
So I said: “I will say NO for now but you can ask me again in a few weeks”.
“But there is not much time”
“I know. It’s either that or NO”.

So unless a miracle happens in the next weeks and I can do what I dreamed to do with my kids, I’ll be staying home. I don’t think I’ll say yes to go anywhere with my ex unless we sign a contract where it’s specified what each of us will do. I’m not taking care of the cooking, cleaning or washing alone. I did that for many years and now I learned how to say NO.

But a week at the Mediterranean sea sounds so tempting!

~ by DotedOn on May 10, 2016.