Organization

One of the definitions of Organization is: a  manner of accomplishing something in an orderly or efficient way.

I guess I’m not nailing the organization thing yet because every little thing makes me turn aside from what I’m doing.  And I wish that was it.  I wish I could call it distraction and blame it on the hormones because I’m getting closer to “the change”.  But no, it’s not distraction because I never go back to what I was doing, instead,  I start doing a new thing, and then another,  and after a while I look around and scratch my head and I can’t believe after all these years, I still never learned some basic stuff, like: the mess will still be here in the morning, no matter how much I wish for the elves to come at night and tidy up for me.  Also that I cannot do many things at the time.  For example, I can crochet and watch a movie but I can’t learn German while I’m cooking because I burn the food.  But I still try.  The last thing I’m trying is playing Words With Friends with my left hand and practicing strumming on the mandolin with the right hand.

“Baby, what are you doing?”

“I’m trying to split my brain”

I could tell by the look on his face that the straight jacket was a better fit for me than the red shirt I was wearing.  Still, I tried to explain that a person can learn to do more than one thing at a time.  So my sweet husband asked:

“And how are you doing?”

“Ugh… I just played a 2 points word… and I can’t get the strumming pattern right.  It’s supposed to be the first 2 strings down, then all the strings down and then all the strings up but I f@#k up every time.  This should happen naturally and it’s not.  It’s better when I’m not playing WWF but I’m sure there is a way that I can play 30 points words and strum something that resembles music at the same time.   If I could learn how to talk to a customer on the phone, use the computer mouse with my left hand, fill in the form with my right hand and all that with a smile,  then I can do this!”.   

No, it’s not only a matter of organization.  I’m struggling with time management and priorities…  And don’t forget, stubbornness.

A few years ago, I made writing one of my priorities.  Now I feel guilty if I do that, so I’m trying to find a balance and do all the things I have to do and also the ones I want to do, instead of only the ones I want to do and wait for the elves.  One may think it’s an easy task but if you were living in my head, you’d know that there is not such a thing as easy task.

I truly hope I come up with a solution soon because life tends to get every day more complicated and I can’t juggle so many balls… I can’t even juggle 2!  Which brings me to my bucket list and my terrible fear of death.   Well, at least I discovered that the fear is not of death itself but dying without being able to do all the things I want to do.  So terrifying…

Quality over quantity… But that leaves so many things out! I can’t devote myself to a thing perfectly done but at the same time I can’t tolerate things half ass done.   That thing called balance… F@#K IT!

So if you see me trying to multitask, please don’t judge.

 

~ by DotedOn on September 16, 2019.