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Monday. Today the winter starts officially. It’ll get dark really early. According to the app, 4.20pm. The only good thing is that from tomorrow on, it’ll only get better (for six months, at least).

The stages of grief and loss. Unbelievable how accurate that is. Yesterday morning I was depressed. Soon after I was in denial… This can’t be happening to me. Then I was MAD. Then I could do some bargaining, a lot, to be honest. And then, when I had to accept all the crap and move one, something happened that brightened my day.

My daughter started feeling better, that was nice. I made the list of the things I have to do before leaving and that caused my stomach to hurt.
I hated myself really bad for forgetting to take out the trash container. I was sure trash day was this Tuesday and I found out it was last week. Now I’m stuck with the full container until January 12th because I won’t be here next week. Anger and more anger.

For the past 12 years, I sent all my family and friends a Christmas card with a picture of my kid(s). My deadline is December 23rd and every year, when this horrid month starts, I stress about the stupid photo shoot.
I need a sunny day otherwise the picture looks a bit sad. Then you have no idea how difficult it is to make 5 kids look at the camera and smile, keep them from picking their noses, adding horns on a sibling, showing their freaking tongues, covering their faces or crying…
Some years, I took over 100 pictures and ended up using the one I didn’t hate so much.
One year, I cropped the faces and use only that… I remember that while I was taking the pictures and my kids where moving, I was shouting: “If you keep moving your freaking arms, I’ll chop them off”. So I kind of did.
Trust me, the Christmas picture is VERY stressful for me.

I started the month checking the weather app waiting for a sunny day. When a sunny day came, not all my kids were here.
Yesterday I realized it was the 20th and I started to panic when I saw that the next sunny day will be probably this weekend. Too late.
So I hated myself a bit more because I already had so much to do and so little time to do it…

While we were having dinner, my 2nd son said: “Mom, you are forgetting the Christmas picture”
“No, I’m not forgetting it. The conditions were never good, I’m not sure what to do… Unless, could we try to take the picture after dinner?”
I got a not really convincing ‘ok’ so I bribed them with candy.
As soon as I finished eating, I went to look for red clothes, I didn’t want them to changed their minds. When they finished, I made them dress up and sit on the couch. Artificial light this year. I don’t care.
I took 27 pictures and there are a few that I don’t hate so much. Now I need to make a digital card with it.

At the end of the day, I could tick one item on my list. Only a dozen to go.

That’s a compilation I made a couple of years ago when my brother asked me: “Pao, where is this year’s Christmas card?” “I’m working on it… It’s not easy”.

I was really tempted to add a FU#$ING between Merry and Christmas.

~ by DotedOn on December 21, 2015.